


Captain America: The cursing war

by taylor7304



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Minor Bruce Banner/Thor, Minor T'Challa/Sam Wilson, Peter Parker is a Little Shit, The Avengers Are Good Bros, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Tony Stark Needs Sleep, peter parker centric towards the end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-04
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:27:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 17,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26286412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taylor7304/pseuds/taylor7304
Summary: Uh crack?? pretty much that's all this is. It's also a chat-fic idk I finished my other one and now I'm bored so here we are. As if I need more on my plate but uhhh enjoy?? (please read the tags if you're curious about what's in it)
Relationships: Clint Barton/Laura Barton, Harley Keener/Peter Parker, Michelle Jones & Ned Leeds & Peter Parker, Michelle Jones/Shuri, Ned Leeds & Peter Parker, Pepper Potts/Natasha Romanov, Shuri & T'Challa (Marvel), Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, harley keener & Peter Parker centric
Comments: 16
Kudos: 172





	1. Chapter 1

**_3:00 pm_ **

**Peter << Ned**

Peter: Do you think Mr. Stark would be mad if I made a groupchat?

Ned: idk Pete, he's your mentor, you know him best

Peter: I'm gonna do it anyway

Ned: Don't die

Peter: no promises

**_3:07 pm_ **

**Peter << Shuri**

Peter: do you think Mr. Stark would be mad if I made a groupchat?

Shuri: Do it

Shuri: no wait, I'll do it

Peter: lmao okay then

**_3:12 pm_ **

***** YEET has made a group chat *****

***** YEET has added STEVE, BLINKY BARNES, HUMAN DISASTER, RETEP REKAP, BIRD BRAIN, GREEN AND MEAN, HAMMER, RED, ROCKY RHODE, SAMMY, and T-CRYIN IN THE CLUB to the chat *****

Yeet: WELCOME TO HELL 

Steve: someone put me back in the ice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know if I've missed someone!


	2. Chapter 2

**_10:03 am_ **

***** YEET named the chat CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE CURSING WAR *****

RETEP REKAP: that's so long

YEET: then change it coward

RETEP REKAP: I can't 

Human disaster: why not

bird brain: why??

RETEP REKAP:i don't have a better idea

Hammer: the rules of this texting are harder than Bruce has made them seem

YEET: there aren't any rules for texting thor

green and mean: no there are

Human disaster: what

green and mean: trust me

green and mean: for thor, he needs the rules

RETEP REKAP: Why is Thor being attacked like this?

Hammer: attacked?

RETEP REKAP: Yup

green and mean: he will only TYPE LIKE THIS trust me

Human disaster: have much experience with that brucey?

green and mean: yes

STEVE: don't listen to them thor, rules are made to be broken

Sammy: they were made to be followed, nothing is made to be broken

RETEP REKAP: uh, piñatas

RED: glow sticks

Blinky barnes: Bones

STEVE: jesus christ buck

Blinky barnes: don't act like you weren't thinking it

STEVE: you said it

RED: I'm surrounded by idiots

YEET: hey

RED: and children

Bird brain: WOW

Human disaster: Where is T'challa when you need him right?

T'Crying in the club: I prefer to observe silently

YEET: he only answered cause i threatened to expose him

RETEP REKAP: with the video??

YEET: yeah

T'crying in the club: he knows?

YEET: Of course he does

RETEP REKAP: So do ned and MJ

RETEP REKAP: It was very funny your highness

T'crying in the club: I may cry for real

YEET: You're being dramatic brother

RED: And i'm out

Human disaster: peace, gonna go blow up my lab

RETEP REKAP: do I need to use the old man protocol again?

Human disaster: that was you??

RETEP REKAP: who else would it be?

Human disaster: fair point

**_10:19 am_ **

**PETER << NED**

Peter: lmao the avengers are a mess

Ned: why

Peter: tony wants to go blow up his lab

Peter: nat says she's surrounded by idiots and children

Peter: T'challa wants to cry for real

Ned: did Shuri threaten the video again?

Peter: yup

Peter: also bucky thinks bones are meant to be broken so there's that

Peter: and thor needs rules for texting apparently

Ned: glad i'm not part of that disaster

Peter: shut up you're totally jealous

Ned: yeah :( 

Peter: aw sorry buddy, I'll add you somehow

Ned: Don't actually, i don't want them to kill me

Peter: they wouldn't

Ned: Idk man they might

Peter: they won't

Ned: nah fam 

Peter: alright then

**_10:30 am_ **

**PETER << SHURI**

Shuri: our family is a mess

Peter: damn straight

Shuri: neither of us are straight

Peter: Well shit

Peter: u right

Shuri: Damn bisexuals

Peter: absolutely right princess

Shuri: I'M DISOWNING YOU TOO

Peter: YOU WOULDN'T 

Shuri: FUCKING TRY ME

**_10:34 am_ **

**SCOOBY GANG**

Princess: I'M DISOWNING PETER

biderman: NO SHURI 

Nedster: why 

MJ: did he call you princess again?

Princess: YES

Nedster: Shuri, your name is literally princess in this chat

Princess: DON'T TALK BACK TO ME YOUNG MAN

biderman: we're older than you

Princess: i said what I said

MJ: peter, you know how she feels about princess

biderman: IT JUST SLIPPED OUT

Nedster: you're lying 

biderman: okay yeah but way to call me out for it

Nedster: you're welcome

Princess: ANYWAY PETER I'M NO LONGER YOUR MOTHER

biderman: you never were

Princess: the slander

MJ: i have to go

MJ: later losers

Princess: what terms of endearment

MJ: later losers and Shuri

Princess: better

**_11:15 am_ **

**PETE <<< MR. STARK**

Pete: Mr. Stark?

Mr. Stark: What’s up, pete?

Pete: I kind of uh

Pete: webbed Mr. Roger’s shield to the wall 

Pete: and I can’t get it unstuck

Pete: it’s been thirty minutes

Mr. Stark: oh my god kid

Mr. Stark: i’m not mad fyi

Mr. Stark: this is hilarious

Pete: i don’t want him to be mad at me

Mr. Stark: okay, okay

Mr. Stark: where are you?

Pete: the second floor

Mr. Stark: I’ll be right there

Pete: thank you

_**12:30 pm** _ ********

**CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE CURSING WAR**

STEVE: Tony

Human disaster: it wasn’t his fault okay

RETEP REKAP: Mr. Stark you don’t have to lie for me

Human disaster: of course I do

Human disaster: look steve, don’t be mad at him okay

Human diaster: he asked me for help because he didn’t want you to be mad

Bird brain: you are so his dad

Human disaster: I’m not peter’s parent. why would you say something like that?

Hammer: His, what do you call it, report card is on the fridge is it not?

green and mean: thor’s got a point

Human disaster: he got all A’s i’m proud

Human disaster: plus of course you agree you’re screwing him

green and mean: TONY

Human disaster: was that supposed to be a secret?

green and mean: YES

Human disaster: oops


	3. Chapter 3

**_8:45 am_ **

**CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE CURSING WAR**

blinky barnes: Steve, ty chertovski tupoy

STEVE: i know, i know

Sammy: you speak russian?

STEVE: no, i just know the phrase "you're so fucking dumb" in every language he speaks

Human disaster: what'd you do?

Hammer: I too would like to know

STEVE: sworn to secrecy

green and mean: who knew captain america would behave just like a child

STEVE: my childhood sucked let me have this

blinky barnes: he's not wrong our childhood was pretty bad tbh

RETEP REKAP: oh my god what'd you do

Rocky Rhode: i'm not surprised

Human disaster: i am my father told me only good things about you

STEVE: well for one i was beaten up a lot

blinky barnes: you picked fights with anyone who would fight you

STEVE: IT'S NOT MY FAULT THEY'RE ALL SUCH BAD PEOPLE

RED: steve it's okay to curse

RETEP REKAP: DO IT

Human disaster: why am i not surprised

Rocky Rhode: is this better or worse than the time he called Tony dad?

green and mean: better

green and mean: tony's not crying so hard he can't see

Human disaster: I TOLD YOU THAT IN CONFIDENCE

YEET: you are all disasters

T'crying in the club: is it possible to leave this chat?

Bird brain: aw come on it's kind of fun

Sammy: it does not surprise me that you think this is fun

Bird brain: WOW

**_8:58 am_ **

**RHODEY << TONY**

Rhodey: Tony? 

Tony: what's up?

Rhodey: You're not locked in your lab again are you?

Tony: not currently

Tony: why

Rhodey: making sure

Rhodey: you mentioned Howard and I just...

Tony: oh no

Tony: i'm all good 

Tony: Steve gave me a hug

Rhodey: Right

Tony: Jarvis will tell you if I lock myself in there you know that

Rhodey: okay 

Rhodey: it was either i check or i send peter

Tony: DON'T SEND PETER

Rhodey: why

Tony: HE'S SUPPOSED TO THINK I'M COOL

Rhodey: i think you could trip over nothing in front of him and land on your face and he'd still think you're cool 

Tony: really

Rhodey: Yes

Rhodey: are you crying?

Tony: I'M FINE

**_9:04 am_ **

**CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE CURSING WAR**

Rocky Rhode: i broke Tony

Human disaster: I'M FINE

RETEP REKAP: did you tell him that i thought he was cool again? or did you bring up the dad thing again?

Rocky Rhode: the first one

RED: that explains why he's sitting with a box of tissues

Human disaster: is this exposing tony hours or something

green and mean: do you really want to go there

Human disaster: no I take that back

Hammer: what does that mean man of iron?

Human disaster: ask your boyfriend i'm sure he's around here somewhere

green and mean: Tony 

Human disaster: okay i'll stop

blinky barnes: no you won't

RED: no you won't

STEVE: no you won't

Bird brain: no you won't

Human disaster: you're right i won't

blinky barnes: you know I think they should have more realistic commercials 

blinky barnes: not whatever reactions those kids on tv had

YEET: what do you mean?

blinky barnes: the last time I played mario cart sam beat me so I stabbed him

T'crying in the club: You stabbed Sam?

Sammy: yes 

Sammy: it hurt a lot

RETEP REKAP: I'm surprised but also not surprised at the same time

YEET: same

Sammy: tell me why tony just offered peter a stick of gum and he put it in his mouth then expressionlessly opened his mouth and let the gum fall onto the floor asking what the fuck was that

RED: was it peppermint?

Sammy: idk maybe

Human disaster: it was

RED: spiders can't stand peppermint

Sammy: so??

RETEP REKAP: turns out I inherited that part of being a spider

YEET: what?

RETEP REKAP: Yup

Bird brain: what the fuck???

T'crying in the club: How is that humanly possible?

blinky barnes: WHAT THE FUCK??

STEVE: put me back in the ice

**_11:19 am_ **

**SCOOBY GANG**

biderman: baseball bat versus metal pan who would win

Princess: bat

MJ: bat

Nedster: u can't break a bat with a pan but u can break a pan with a bat

MJ: metal bat or wood?

biderman: metal bat

MJ: bat

biderman: damnit shuri

Princess: get roasted


	4. Chapter 4

**_10:15 am_ **

**SCOOBY GANG**

MJ: guess who I just ran into?

Nedster: who?

MJ: Jeffery

Princess: who?

biderman: your mom

biderman: oh

biderman: yikes

Princess: dahmer

Princess: oh wait

Nedster: yikes

Princess: Who's Jeffery?

biderman: my ex

Princess: oh

Princess: it's been a long day

biderman: did you talk to him?

Nedster: yum

MJ: no

MJ: how could I have run into Jeffery Dahmer, he's dead

Princess: IT'S BEEN A LONG DAY

**_12:30 pm_ **

**CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE CURSING WAR**

Human disaster: Steve you're so old

STEVE: I know

blinky barnes: we're going to die soon

STEVE: wow thanks

RETEP REKAP: that's morbid

Sammy: do we have to wish it won't be your last day?

STEVE: are y'all planning to murder me or something

RED: For the use of y'all i am

green and mean: you're gonna manifest his death

Hammer: ...

STEVE: WOw

STEVE: why was the last w so small

Human disaster: WOw

bird brain: WOw

blinky barnes: WOw

Sammy: maybe WOw can be our always

RED: i just started season two of the umbrella academy

Human disaster: NICE

YEET: and your fave character isnt dead yay

RED: you're a liar Peter Parker

RETEP REKAP: I got you so good

YEET: gotcha

_**4:30 pm** _

**CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE CURSING WAR**

RETEP REKAP: guys I was so over my teeth so i pulled all my stitches out

RETEP REKAP: i'm feeling great

Human disaster: oh god

STEVE: You're gonna give him a heart attack

RETEP REKAP: still can't fully drink from straws tho and i have a big hole in my mouth but I think we're all good

Human disaster: no

RETEP REKAP: the doctor said the home was somewhat normal

Human disaster: that's good I guess

RED: oh my god

RETEP REKAP: So we're all gucci in the hucci

YEET: GUCCI HA

Human disaster: where were the stitches though

RETEP REKAP: two of them hurt to yank

RETEP REKAP: there were two stitches on each bottom tooth. one sewn into my cheek and one keeping the gum together and just one on each side on the top so four on the bottom and two on the top

RETEP REKAP: the ones in my cheek hurt the most to yank on the bottom

green and mean: why did you yank them out they are there for a reason

YEET: yikes painful

RETEP REKAP: Because

RETEP REKAP: they were bothering me

Human disaster: Oh god 

RETEP REKAP: and google says they should come out from 2-7 days

STEVE: Yeah seems uncomfortable 

RETEP REKAP: 2-10*

RETEP REKAP: and it’s been 8 days

RETEP REKAP: no 9

green and mean: So go to the dentist 

RETEP REKAP: so i did a little grabby grabby and snippy snippy

RETEP REKAP: i did tuesday and he said “i can take them out for you but it’ll be a little painful” so i said no thanks i’ll do it myself

RETEP REKAP: and i did it 

Sammy: Ok 

RETEP REKAP: yup

RETEP REKAP: periodt queen you tell em

YEET: Funzies 

RETEP REKAP: SHURI check snap to see my tooth hole

RETEP REKAP: my gum hole where tooth was

RETEP REKAP: why say lot word when few word do trick

Human disaster: This is why you should not be medicated

YEET: I saw the tooth hole

YEET: It was quite large

RETEP REKAP: yes

RED: That’s what she said 

RETEP REKAP: Tooth hole big size

Bird brain: nat you no penis lover you no penis jokes 

Human disaster: HA

**_6: 20 pm_**

**SCOOBY GANG**

MJ: Peter... 

Nedster: Lol

Princess: Does he still not know how to ride a bike? I thought someone taught him

MJ: Peter... do you?

Nedster: It’s the not knowing how to ride a bike for me

MJ: he’s probably sleeping still

biderman: STOP I DO

biderman: OMG ALSO

biderman: Do you guys remember when I bought stop looking at my dick sweatpants like a year ago

Nedster: Yeah 

biderman: All this time I thought May returned them. 

MJ: Ok?

biderman: AND SHE HAD IT IN THE GUEST ROOM THIS WHOLE TIME 

Princess: Oh god

biderman: SO I CAN SELL IT ON DEPOP

biderman: and also there are two of them 

biderman: Should i keep one secretly🥵🥵

Nedster: Yeah 

Nedster: Do it

biderman: HAHAH WOHO

**_7:40 am_ **

**CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE CURSING WAR**

bird brain: i didn’t get new hearing aids but i’m wearing my old ones and plastic is so loud 

YEET: Yeah its CRINKLEY 

bird brain i didn’t know it was that loud 

bird brain: like i knew it made noise but omg 

Hammer: OHHH I get it 

bird brain: and i heard my hair 

Bird brain: i didn’t like it

Sammy: do you feel more relaxed now that you can hear more or the opposite 

bird brain: no the opposite everything gets 10 times louder than what i thought was normal so it’s like an automatic sensory overload and i get a headache 

Sammy: gotcha that’s crazy tho


	5. Chapter 5

**_12:52 am_ **

**CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE CURSING WAR**

RETEP REKAP: T MINUS 13 MINUTES TILL STRAWBERRY COW DROP

YEET: Omg I hope you get it

RETEP REKAP: : ME TOO AHHH

RETEP REKAP: I don’t know if anyone is awake but there are so many people on the pillow pets website that it keeps crashing and I’ve been trying for almost half an hour now this is so stressful I want to cry

**_9:52 am_ **

**CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE CURSING WAR**

RETEP REKAP: I finally got it I’m thrilled

YEET: You got it yay 

RETEP REKAP: YAH 

RETEP REKAP: I got lucky because I commented on their insta 8 hours ago how I finally got it and then people also commented 8 hours ago how there were no more left 

RETEP REKAP: but the second round came out after but I was fast asleep also the second round will be arriving in December mine will be in September 

YEET: you must have gotten the last ones

RETEP REKAP: YAHHH

RETEP REKAP: get into it

YEET: Yuuuuuh

STEVE: What’s a pillow pet?

blinky barnes: what just happened

Sammy: you don’t know what a pillow pet is?

STEVE: should I?

Human disaster: i’ll show you

RETEP REKAP: do you know what a build-a-bear is?

STEVE: No?

RETEP REKAP: GROUP TRIP TO THE MALL

YEET: I WISH I COULD COME

T’crying in the club: Shuri, why

YEET: I want to see bucky's face 

blinky barnes: why me?

YEET: idk I have a feeling it’ll be funny

RETEP REKAP: i’ll film it

Human disaster: No

STEVE: kid i’ll pay you for it

RETEP REKAP: OH MY GOD YES

Human disaster: STEVE

STEVE: You rang? 

Human disaster: don’t encourage him

STEVE: Why not?

RED: are mommy and daddy fighting again?

STEVE: we’re not fighting

Human disaster: and we’re not together

STEVE: we’re not?

RED: I’ll take you 

RED: and them

RED: i need a gift for Pepper anyways

RED: And apparently Tony has some explaining to do

Human disaster: WOW

bird brain: SHOTGUN

Hammer: why would you bring a gun with you i know those are not allowed?

bird brain: no Thor i want to ride in the front seat

Hammer: and thus you are bringing a gun?

bird brain: no

green and mean: come here, I’ll explain

Hammer: okay

STEVE: why do want a pillow pet Peter? or a whatever you just said

blinky barnes: they look comfortable

RETEP REKAP: they just got star wars ones and Ned likes Star Wars more than I do

YEET: WAIT THEY HAVE STAR WARS ONES?

RETEP REKAP: YEAH

YEET: man 

T’crying in the club: Shuri you are a princess

T’crying in the club: you have the money to buy one and ship it to MJ which I know you want to

YEET: DON’T EXPOSE ME LIKE THAT

RED: If you don’t come down here we’re leaving without you

blinky barnes: i don’t want to go

STEVE: You’re coming

blinky barnes: fine

**_11:12 am_ **

**CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE CURSING WAR**

Sammy: why was I just delivered a build-a-bear?

YEET: OH MY GOD

RETEP REKAP: I can’t breathe

Human disaster: I WANT TO BE DELIVERED A BUILD-A-BEAR

green and mean: tony you could own build-a-bear

Human disaster: YOU’RE RIGHT

RED: Why would you say that?

green and mean: i didn’t think he would

Rocky Rhode: of course he would

***** RED added Pepperoni to the chat *****

RED: Tell tony not to buy build-a-bear

Pepperoni: why me

RED: He doesn’t listen to anybody but you

RED: Not even Steve

STEVE: yes he does

Pepperoni: no he doesn’t

Rocky Rhode: no he doesn’t

green and mean: no he doesn’t

Sammy: no he doesn’t

**_11:16 am_ **

**SHURI <<T'CHALLA**

Shuri: brother why did you send Sam a build-a-bear

T’challa: i do not know what you mean

Shuri: you’re lying brother

T’challa: i have better things to do than lie to you

Shuri: ok sure

Shuri: It had nothing to do with the fact that you have a silly crush on him?

T’challa: And your crush is not silly?

Shuri: no

T’challa: And why is that?

Shuri: She knows

T’challa: oh

Shuri: SO YOU ADMIT IT

T’challa: no

T’challa: Shuri please

T’challa: end my suffering

Shuri: nope


	6. Chapter 6

**_8:30 am_ **

**THOR << BRUCE**

Thor: Bruce?

Bruce: what’s up thor?

Thor: why did Tony just kiss you

Bruce: i don’t think he meant anything by it

Thor: so i do not have to fight him then

Bruce: NO 

Bruce: no fighting anyone

_**8:35 am** _

**BB <<< TS**

BB: you need to control yourself

TS: what did I do

BB: thor just asked me why you kissed me and then asked if he needed to fight you so watch yourself

TS: oh 

TS: it was just to thank you

TS: honestly I was just too sleepy to think about it

BB: i figured

BB: just be careful okay

TS: Sure thing brucie

**_6:30 pm_ **

**CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE CURSING WAR**

RED: I managed to pry the remote from clint and stopped us all from having to watch the terminator again

STEVE: thank god

Human disaster: you’re a life saver

Sammy: did tony just…

RED: yes

Hammer: why

RED: ask him

Rocky Rhode: he kiss you?

RED: yeah

Rocky Rhode: yeah he does that

**_6:35 pm_ **

**NAT << TONY**

Nat: Tony

Tony: yello?

Nat: what was that?

Tony: whatever do you mean? 

Nat: everyone is wondering why you kissed my head like i’m a child

Tony: oh

Tony: at this point why are you surprised by anything I do

Nat: i’m not

Nat: i’m quite used to it

Nat: the rest of the team however…

Nat: Steve in particular

Tony: did he say something to you?

Tony: oh god

Nat: no

Nat: but you should tell him something before it gets to that point

Tony: yeah i should totally confess everything to the capsicle and just get my heart ripped out 

Tony: very funny natasha

Nat: i wasn’t kidding

Tony: i know 

Tony: that’s what’s the issue here

Nat: anyway you should just explain it’s how you show affection before somebody explodes

Tony: damn okay

**_6:42 pm_ **

**CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE CURSING WAR**

Human disaster: i don’t mean to hurt anybody I just do it out of love, k?

RETEP REKAP: you get used to it after a while

RED: yeah

Rocky Rhode: yup

green and mean: sooner or later you’ll all learn to speak tony and we won’t have this problem anymore

STEVE: speak tony?

Rocky Rhode: he’s not kissing us because he’s interested, that’d be gross in some cases

RETEP REKAP: Mine in particular

YEET: DISGUSTING

green and mean: exactly

green and mean: it’s just to show his affection or thanks

T'crying in the club: every day I ask myself what I did to deserve this

Sammy: me too, T'challa, me too

YEET: HA

**_8:06 am_ **

**CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE CURSING WAR**

blinky barnes: your boyfriend just punched a hole in the wall banner

green and mean: what

green and mean: why

Human disaster: you’re not denying it?

green and mean: No? Thor's my boyfriend but why did he punch the wall?

Sammy: tony kissed his forehead

Hammer: i got excited

green and mean: should i be worried

Hammer: no

T’crying in the club: is this going to be a thing now?

YEET: You’re just jealous brother


	7. Chapter 7

**_4:32 pm_ **

**SPIDERLING << THOR**

Spiderling: Mr. Thor?

THOR: yes spiderling?

Spiderling: Do you think Loki enjoys being a villain because he can just saunter everywhere? Like, the heroes are always sprinting, always running.

THOR: I do not know

RETEP REKAP: like have you ever seen darth vader run? hell no and he's not about to either?

THOR: I shall ask him

THOR: he says yes

RETEP REKAP: oh cool **  
**

**_6:39 pm_ **

**SCOOBY GANG**

biderman: my stomach growled super loud in French omg

biderman: i would like to clarify my stomach did not speak French. it growled in french class

Princess: le growl

Nedster: hon hon hon feed me a baguette

MJ: You guys are weird

biderman: tell me about it

biderman: now if you excuse me, I’m gonna go to bed because i have a bangin migraine and i would like it to go away before i forget my ABD’s

biderman: wait…

_**8:24 am** _

**CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE CURSING WAR**

STEVE: What is Supernatural?

blinky barnes: Sam is making us watch it

Human disaster: castiel is the raymond holt of the supernatural world

bird brain: oh facts

RED: it’s a show about demons and stuff

RETEP REKAP: oh i love that show

RETEP REKAP: my bi awakening I swear

Human disaster: uh, pete?

RETEP REKAP: OH SHIT

RETEP REKAP: DISREGARD THAT MESSAGE

Rocky Rhode: it’s okay, peter

RETEP REKAP: I HAVE TO GO DELETE MY ENTIRE EXISTENCE GOODBYE

YEET: I’M CRYING

T’crying in the club: she really is

YEET: peter you’re an idiot

RETEP REKAP: I KNOW

RED: Peter where are you?

RETEP REKAP: LIKE I’M GOING TO TELL YOU

RETEP REKAP: oh god please don’t tell May

RETEP REKAP: i haven’t told her yet

Sammy: peter are you having a panic attack

blinky barnes: I got him

STEVE: is he okay

blinky barnes: yeah

bird brain: bucky and I are taking his mind off it

Human disaster: oh thank god

Pepperoni: peter, can you come to my office for a second? I’ve got something for you

RETEP REKAP: yeah okay i guess

RED: we’re not going to tell may, don’t worry. That’s something that should only come from you.

RETEP REKAP: thank you

Human disaster: did you think we would care?

RETEP REKAP: i wasn’t sure tbh

Hammer: i do not understand

green and mean: i’ll explain, leave them alone for now

Hammer: okay

Sammy: kid i don’t think any of us are straight

YEET: facts

RETEP REKAP: that doesn’t mean you’d be accepting

RETEP REKAP: there are plenty of people in the LGBT community who think bi isn’t a thing and are actually biphobic

YEET: Peter’s right

T’crying in the club: well, we are proud of you

YEET: BROTHER

YEET: YOU’RE GOING TO MAKE ME CRY AGAIN

T’crying in the club: good god

T’crying in the club: don’t make me take it back

_**8:35 am** _

**SCOOBY GANG**

biderman: i literally just came out to all the avengers because they were talking about Supernatural

Nedster: oh

Nedster: bi awakening right?

biderman: YES

Princess: it’s okay peter

Princess: they were all very nice about it

biderman: I PANICKED

MJ: man you are a mess

biderman: I KNOW

MJ: but you’re our mess

biderman: THAT IS THE NICEST THING YOU’VE EVER SAID TO ME

Nedster: holy shit

Nedster: they didn’t make you uncomfortable or anything right?

Nedster: i don’t think I could fight the avengers

biderman: no, we’re good ned

biderman: but thank you

Nedster: was it sam or dean

biderman: castiel

Nedster: oh valid

Princess: CHARLIE

Nedster: also valid

MJ: charlie?

Princess: do you watch the show?

MJ: no

Princess: i’ll send you pictures

MJ: shuri you have a type

Princess: I KNOW

Princess: YOU DON’T HAVE TO CALL ME OUT ON IT

MJ: so does peter

biderman: WOW

Nedster: do you think you’ll ever fall in love?

biderman: idk if they like doritos then probably

MJ: you’re hopeless 

MJ: you’re all hopeless

Princess: not me ;)

biderman: i do not like that implication

_**4:26 pm** _

**MJ <<PETER, NED**

MJ: can I ask you guys something?

MJ: and if you make fun of me i’ll kill you

Peter: you’re scarier than some of the avengers just so you know

MJ: good

Ned: are you okay?

MJ: I was talking to Shuri earlier and I just… 

MJ: I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I think i’m coming down with something. Can I even do that? I mean, I can’t sleep, I can’t think, I can’t eat…

Peter: oh I know what you got! the L-word

Ned: yeah, leprosy

Peter: no, ned. it starts with l, ends with e. four letters

Ned: lice

Peter: no 

Ned: I kid I kid

Ned: loveeee


	8. Chapter 8

**_4:38 am_ **

**SCOOBY GANG**

Princess: Ben shapiro laugh better

MJ: She can even skin a buUuUuUuk

MJ: She don’t know who jack Daniels is

Nedster: okay but those three girls and the only girl didn’t know the lyrics

Nedster: it makes me lauv everytime

Nedster: Lauf

biderman: loaf by loaf 🥖

Biderman: the is good but not when he’s singing it

Nedster: THE COVER OF THE SONG IS SO GOOD

Nedster: BUT HE sux

Princess: the covers are amazing

Princess: he should just write music and then just sell it

biderman: Shuri your comment made me laugh loudly

Nedster: It was very loud

MJ: I have bad news

Princess: What bad news do you have

Nedster: What could it be

MJ: The salami lid aint gon fit

Princess: what comment the simping one?

biderman: Yeah

Princess: hehe

Nedster: Shit

Nedster: If it don’t fit it means you quit

**_9:54 pm_ **

**CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE CURSING WAR**

Human disaster: wait when did I take off my clothes

RED: after you tried to stick to the wall like Peter

Sammy: I am fully convinced you never graduated kindergarten

Bird brain: was there a scuffle

STEVE: no

STEVE: tony just got really drunk

YEET: is there a video

RETEP REKAP: of course there’s a video

YEET: do you have it

RETEP REKAP: of course I do

RETEP REKAP: [Tonytryingtobeme.jpg]

YEET: oh my god

Human disaster: PETER

RETEP REKAP: what?

Rocky rhode: i am so glad you were there

RETEP REKAP: thank you?

Rocky Rhode: i mean i’m glad you’re here often just nobody else got it on video

blinky barnes: jarvis didn’t?

Rocky Rhode: tony deleted the footage

RED: i wonder why

green and mean: this is the last time we let tony drink tequila after a mission

Hammer: this is funny

Hammer: good job spiderling

RETEP REKAP: THANKS

YEET: gay

RETEP REKAP: SHUT UP

T’crying in the club: shuri leave the poor child alone

YEET: you really want to go there brother

T’crying in the club: Peter you are on your own

RETEP REKAP: wow thanks

Sammy: tony would you kill me if I post this on youtube

Human disaster: yes

RED: do it

STEVE: Do it

Human disaster: GUYS

Sammy: i won’t

bird brain: but i will

bird brain: payback for embarassing the shit out of me in front of laura

Human disaster: that worked out well in the end though

Human disaster: CLINT COME ON

RETEP REKAP: sorry?

Rocky Rhode: no you’re not

Sammy: no you’re not

blinky barnes: no you’re not

RETEP REKAP: no i’m not **  
**

**_5:31 am_ **

**CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE CURSING WAR**

Human disaster: this is going to sound controversial but I think that went well

Rocky Rhode: is that why everything’s on fire?

Human disaster: SHUT UP

Pepperoni: did he set fire to the labratory again?

green and mean: no

green and mean: to himself

STEVE: is he okay?

Human disaster: why are you talking about me as if i’m not here

STEVE: are you okay?

Human disaster: perfectly fine snuggle bunny

green and mean: he has a concussion

STEVE: clearly

Hammer: i may have broken the thing that makes the toast in the kitchen

green and mean: we’ve been over this, you’re not supposed to touch that

Sammy: you have no idea how to make toast?

Hammer: it is not a skill i have learned

green and mean: don’t encourage him to try he almost burnt down the kitchen yesterday

**_5:42 am_ **

**OUT OF THIS WORLD**

Steve: thor… you know how to make toast

Thor: let them figure it out

Bucky: it’s not like we’re any better

Bucky: i still can’t believe you’ve convinced Tony…

Steve: THIS CONVERSATION IS OVER

**_5:57 am_ **

**PETER << NED**

Peter: i haven’t showered in four days

Ned: peter are you okay

Peter: no

Peter: i don’t know what to do

Ned: i’ll come watch Star Trek with you

Peter: WILLINGLY?

Peter: instead of Star wars?

Ned: if it’ll make you feel better

Peter: YOU ARE THE BEST FRIEND IN THE ENTIRE WORLD

Ned: don’t i know it


	9. Chapter 9

**_5:32 am_ **

**TS <<<BB**

TS: can you get internal bleeding like coughing up blood from broken ribs and blunt force trauma to the abdomen

BB: yes

TS: excellent

BB: Do… do you have that?

TS: possibly

BB: TONY

TS: most definitely

BB: Where are you?

TS: hospital

BB: I'm coming

TS: send steve

BB: already done

BB: And pepper and Rhodey

TS: Don't tell peter

BB: i won't

BB: nat said she and clint and bucky will keep him preoccupied

BB: sam's talking with the doctor

**_8:02 pm_ **

**SCOOBY GANG**

biderman: tell me why I came home to find May x’ing out people in her yearbook that have died because she wants to be the last one living

biderman: she's not even that old 

Princess: that’s not a yearbook

Nedster: that’s a hit list

MJ: your aunt is my hero

**_7:38 am_ **

**CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE CURSING WAR**

retep rekarp: my mind is like an internet browser

Hammer: explain?

retep rekarp: 15 tabs are open, 7 of them are frozen and I don’t know where the music is coming from 

Human disaster: honestly me too kid

YEET: OH MOOD

retep rekarp: i also feel sick

Human disaster: how many popsicles have you had today

retep rekarp: now is not the time to talk about my flaws as a person

YEET: peter i already told you how many you can eat without feeling sick why do you do this 

RED: i'm just gonna pretend i can't read for the time being

T'crying in the club: me too

**_6:35 pm_ **

**SCOOBY GANG**

Nedster: let me tell you what just happened

Princess: oh no

MJ: what did peter do this time?

biderman: I AM NOT AT FAULT HERE

Nedster: it wasn’t bad just funny

Nedster: we’re sitting at the table in the kitchen doing homework because Mr. Stark needed Peter for something later and we already had plans and he wouldn’t let me leave because he felt bad

biderman: sorry for trying to be A GOOD FRIEND

Nedster: i’m not mad peter

MJ: so?

Nedster: so Mr. Stark comes in and is like, “Kid, you have to clean your room.”

biderman: so I said, “it’s my room.”

Nedster: And Mr. Stark was like, “Excuse you, it’s my house.”

biderman: “Then go clean it.”

Nedster: and then Mr. Rogers laughed and Mr. Stark got flustered and looked at him and went, “Go to hell, Steve.”

Princess: oh my god

MJ: they really are a married couple

biderman: yeah just don’t let them hear you say that

Princess: why?

biderman: because then it’ll turn into a contest of who can be better or even more married than the two of them

biderman: Nat and Pepper win every time but it’s funny to see them try

MJ: how is this your life

biderman: beats me

**_4:38 am_ **

**CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE CURSING WAR**

retep rekarp: hello my darling friends guess who just got *~*~*~stabbed*~*~*~

Human disaster: YOU GOT STABBED

retep rekarp: yeah Dr. Banner said it was almost fatal

Human disaster: BRUCE PICK UP MY CALLS??

green and mean: he’s fine tony, he’s just high on anesthesia

Human disaster: I’M COMING TO SEE HIM

YEET: PETER

green and mean: okay

green and mean: bring Nat with you, he wants to see her

RED: is he okay?

green and mean: yeah he just thinks of you like a mom

green and mean: his words not mine

RED: he’s going to hate that you said that when he gets better

green and mean: I don’t particularly care

Hammer: yes you do

green and mean: damnit thor

Hammer: what?

Bird brain: he’s just mad cause you EXPOSED him

Sammy: if that’s what you call being exposed then man you’ve got nothing to hide

STEVE: is peter okay Bruce?

green and mean: he’s fine, Steve

green and mean: I got Helen to look him over because, and once again, I AM NOT THAT KIND OF DOCTOR

Hammer: but you are?

green and mean: not that kind of doctor

Hammer: you’re not?

green and mean: I am not

Pepperoni: I let May know that he’s resting and is completely fine

green and mean: thank you


	10. Chapter 10

**_9:32 pm_ **

**PETE <<<MR.STARK**

Pete: Hey, Mr. Stark?

Mr. Stark: yeah, kid?

Pete: we’re supposed to dress as someone who inspires us for school on Friday. I wanted to go as you and was wondering if I could borrow some things?

Mr. Stark: you cannot wear an Ironman suit to school

Pete: actually I wanted to borrow your sunglasses and maybe a tie

**_9:38 pm_ **

**CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE CURSING WAR**

Rocky Rhode: why is Tony crying

RED: peter said he wanted to dress as him for school on friday 

Rocky Rhode: okay?

retep rekarp: it’s because we’re supposed to dress as someone who inspires us and all I did was ask to borrow a tie and his glasses

Pepperoni: that explains a lot

Bird brain: kid you do anything remotely close to acting like his child and he bursts into tears at the drop of a hat

retep rekarp: oh

Human disaster: STOP THIS SLANDER

STEVE: you’re being dramatic Tony

Human disaster: I KNOW BUT STILL

retep rekarp: you never answered me

Human disaster: yes of course you can

retep rekarp: thank you :)

Sammy: dear god that kid is good

Hammer: good at what exactly?

blinky barnes: he reduced tony to a pile of nothing in less than two minutes

blinky barnes: i think that’s his best time

YEET: i can’t stop laughing

T’crying in the club: that is because you are cruel Shuri

YEET: keep talking brother and you’ll see what cruel is

Sammy: whoa why are you threatening him

blinky barnes: Sam to the rescue

YEET: OF FUCKING COURSE HE IS

retep rekarp: shuri? you okay there?

YEET: FINE

YEET: PERFECTLY FINE

retep rekarp: okay then

**_9:45 pm_ **

**PETER <<<SHURI**

Peter: Spill it

Shuri: my brother has a crush on Sam

Peter: PERFECT

Shuri: why?

Peter: it’s reciprocated

Shuri: and?

Peter: well, what are we going to do about it?

Shuri: he won’t do anything until i tell MJ how I feel about her

Peter: OH MY GOD

Shuri: what?

Peter: nothing

Peter: Clint just tried to lick Mr. Stark

Shuri: oh gross

Peter: so why don’t you tell her?

Shuri: uh 

Shuri: she could hear me?

Peter: lame

Shuri: really? 

Peter: i’m so going to regret that

Shuri: probably

Peter: anyway just ask her out 

Shuri: fine but you have to do something too that way I won’t be so nervous

Peter: like what?

Shuri: i’ll think of something

Shuri: oh my god do this 

Shuri: [video.jpg]

Peter: sometimes I wonder why we’re friends

Shuri: YOU LOVE ME

Peter: i guess

**_10:32 am_ **

**PETE <<<MR.STARK**

Mr. Stark: Peter

Pete: yes?

Mr. Stark: what is this

Mr. Stark: [video.jpg]

Pete: me standing on top of a building

Pete: in my suit

Pete: singing to a cat?

Mr. Stark: yes why

Pete: Shuri

Mr. Stark: okay then


	11. Chapter 11

**_6:45 pm_ **

**CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE CURSING WAR**

retep rekarp: okay here goes

retep rekarp: around Christmas doc ock and I mind-swapped and the me that’s been running around was really him in my body 

retep rekarp: now i’m back but in my last fight all my clothes got zapped off so I webbed myself up some underwear

retep rekarp: but i didn’t know that ock changed my formula so it’d last longer and now my pants are stuck to my butt and it’s been over an hour and I really have to pee

Human disaster: why are you like this

retep rekarp: i get it from you

Human disaster: WOW

***** BIRD BRAIN has renamed the chat WHAT THE SHIT PARKER *****

YEET: OH MY GOD

YEET: I’M CRYING 

YEET: THIS IS SO FUNNY

blinky barnes: will water work?

retep rekarp: i tried that

blinky barnes: how do you normally dissolve it?

retep rekarp: i just let it do it’s thing

retep rekarp: I might just cut it off

STEVE: peter don’t do that

retep rekarp: why not?

STEVE: if you cut yourself it’ll hurt??

retep rekarp: good point but i have to pee worse than i care about cutting myself

Rocky Rhode: dear god 

RED: children

T’crying in the club: and to think Shuri says that you’re smart

retep rekarp: i’m the smartest idiot you’ll ever meet

green and mean: can confirm

green and mean: right after thor

Hammer: me?

green and mean: I haven’t forgotten about the toast

Sammy: trouble in paradise

green and mean: turns out steve, bucky and thor have been tricking us this whole time

bird brain: sounds about right

Pepperoni: how do I sell all of you?

RED: even me?

Pepperoni: not you, T’challa, or Rhodey

RED: good

**_2:15 am_ **

**WHAT THE SHIT PARKER**

Sammy: why does steve have a watermelon

T’crying in the club: what?

STEVE: you texted saying that bucky got hurt so I brought a watermelon

Sammy: why?

STEVE: bucky loves watermelon

**_9:23 pm_ **

**HAWKEYE <<<BLACK WIDOW**

Hawkeye: never trust a girl named Natasha because Natasha spelled backwards is Ah Satan

Black Widow: you’re being dramatic clint

Black Widow: I only told Laura that if you weren’t treating her right I know someone who would

Hawkeye: YOU’RE GOING TO GET ME DUMPED

Black Widow: i would never

Hawkeye: liar


	12. Chapter 12

**_9:14 am_ **

**WHAT THE SHIT PARKER**

Human disaster: ok

Human disaster: any questions

retep rekarp: obviously no shark would swim ashore to fight

retep rekarp: so Polar bears being the only true aquatic bear would clearly win, right, Mr. Stark?

Human disaster: I MEANT QUESTIONS ABOUT THE MISSION

retep rekarp: oh 

retep rekarp: no

Human disaster: dear god

Rocky Rhode: you are not allowed to say dear god

Rocky Rhode: not after the shit I put up with

Human disaster: yeah but i’m not your kid

Sammy: so you admit that you’re parker’s dad?

Human disaster: i hate all of you

retep rekarp: even me?

Human disaster: no

YEET: precious

**_6:23 pm_ **

**BUCK << STEVIE**

Buck: you have a swear jar?

Stevie: yup

Stevie: the especially bad ones cost two dollars

Buck: you never swear in front of them?

Buck: what gives you’ve got the worst mouth out of anyone I know

Stevie: they made assumptions buck

Stevie: I think those assumptions should at least buy a new bike, don’t you?

Buck: i forgot how fucking devious you are

Stevie: jar

Buck: no

Buck: or i’ll tell everyone

Stevie: you’re gonna blow my cover

Buck: am not

Buck: promise

Stevie: fine

**_12:10 pm_ **

**WHAT THE SHIT PARKER**

STEVE: if i tape knives to the edge of the shield, it would become 100% more efficient

rocky rhode: have you been hanging around peter?

retep rekarp: hey!

Rocky Rhode: has he?

retep rekarp: no

RED: Steve no

blinky barnes: yeah, she’s right

blinky barnes: eventually the knives would fall off 

YEET: you need something more permanent

RED: that is not what I meant

blinky barnes: sharpen the edges, execute villains immediately, they’ll learn to fear Captain America, crime rate will drop

blinky barnes: I guarantee it

Sammy: what the fuck

STEVE: jar

Sammy: no

T’crying in the club: Steve. Why?

STEVE: why not?

retep rekarp: like a giant pizza cutter?

YEET: murder frisbee

blinky barnes: See

blinky barnes: they understand

Hammer: i apologize

Hammer: the captain has had one too many

green and mean: were you experimenting with the alcohol again?

Hammer: no

Hammer: i gave him asguardian mead

Bird brain: good lord you’re gonna get us killed

RED: says you

Pepperoni: how do I leave this chat?

T’cying in the club: i have been asking myself the same question since it was created

YEET: brother!

YEET: don’t be mean


	13. Chapter 13

**_4:21 pm_ **

**WHAT THE SHIT PARKER**

Human disaster: sometimes a family is you, an airforce colonel, the CEO of your company, your driver/forehead of security, spiderman, and some kid from Tennessee you accidentally adopted when you broke into his garage

retep rekarp: you forget Mr. Rogers and Dr. Banner and Nat

Human disaster: you right

Human disaster: why is Nat not Mrs. Romanoff?

retep rekarp: because

RED: don’t be mad because I’m nat and you’re still Mr. Stark

YEET: i feel like if he calls you anything other than Mr. Stark he'll break you

green and mean: probably

Human disaster: HEY

STEVE: They’re not wrong, tony

blinky barnes: DO IT

retep rekarp: no

blinky barnes: okay

retep rekarp: wait who’s the kid from Tennessee?

Human disaster: no one

Human disaster: he’s absolutely no one and very irrelevant

Rocky Rhode: what?

Rocky Rhode: Tony you talked about that kid nonstop for four weeks after you met him

Human disaster: THIS IS FALSE

Rocky Rhode: okay then

**_4:34 pm_ **

**RHODEY << TONY**

Rhodey: what gives

Tony: i do not want peter finding out about harley

Rhodey: why not

Rhodey: they’d get along just fine

Tony: exactly

Tony: they’d get along super well

Tony: and harley will have corrupted peter along the way

Tony: and then there will be two of them

Rhodey: i don’t understand

Tony: Harley’s one of my favorite people in the world

Tony: we’re connected

Tony: BUT

Tony: he’s a pain in my ass and a little shit

Rhodey: so are you

Tony: it’s why we get along

Tony: well that and the trauma but anyway

Tony: Peter doesn’t need that

Rhodey: you think Harley would ruin him?

Tony: yes

Rhodey: does Harley know about Peter?

Tony: yup

Tony: but I’ve never let them meet or let Harley follow him on social media or anything 

Rhodey: i think you’re making this a big deal out of nothing

Tony: i just don’t want peter to get hurt

Rhodey: And harley?

Tony: Harley’s already been hurt before

Tony: I don’t want him to get hurt again

**_7:39 am_ **

**SAM <<< STEVE**

Sam: Steve, you really need to teach bucky some better social skills

Steve: what did he do

Sam: a person said they liked his jacket and asked where he got it from

Steve: okay? 

Sam: bucky, without looking up and without missing a beat said underground nazi terrorist organization made it for me to keep weapons in. Thank you. It’s very warm.

Steve: at least he said thank you?

**_5:28 pm_ **

**CAPSICLE <<< TONES**

Capsicle: Sam always says disneyland is the happiest place on earth

Capsicle: clearly none of them have been in your arms

Tones: Steve?

Tones: are you okay?

Capsicle: fine

Capsicle: why

Tones: that was the cheesiest thing ever

Tones: i thought for a minute that someone had taken your phone to fake flirt with me

Capsicle: you don’t like the way i flirt?

Tones: i didn’t even know it was you!

Capsicle: you’re right

Capsicle: it wasn’t

Capsicle: sam said I should try it

Tones: i give it a no go

Capsicle: it wasn’t my first idea

Tones: what was your first idea?

Capsicle: to simply just ask you on a date?

Tones: should’ve gone with that one

Capsicle: Tony, will you go on a date with me?

Tones: of course I will you old sap

Tones: now all that’s left is to get Sam to admit his giant crush on T’challa

Capsicle: you’ve noticed too?

Tones: everybody has

Tones: he’s worse than bruce was

Tones: i’m surprised he was able to keep it a secret for so long

Capsicle: weren’t you the one who told everyone?

Tones: yes

Tones: by accident

Capsicle: sure it was

**_6:23 am_ **

**PETER << NED**

Peter: today i found out that a spider has no bones

Peter: i am a human slime

Ned: okay??

Peter: and i folded myself in half in front of Mr. Stark and he almost cried

Peter: he started screaming in Italian

Ned: doesn’t surprise me

**_3:21 pm_ **

**SCOOBY GANG**

biderman: do you think if steve knew the kind of shit trump was saying that he’d call loki to help kill him?

Nedster: why not just ask bucky to do it

Nedster: he’s apparently killed JFK

biderman: that doesn’t surprise me

Princess: i bet he would

MJ: ask him

biderman: okay

Princess: why loki?

Nedster: he’s devious

biderman: he says no

biderman: he said he’d ask Nat to do it

MJ: what did Nat say?

Biderman: she’d gladly do it but Pepper won’t let her

Princess: can I get an f in the chat?

Nedster: f

biderman: f

MJ: f

**_4:15 pm_ **

**WHAT THE SHIT PARKER**

YEET: bucky the goats miss you

blinky barnes: REALLY

YEET: yeah

T’crying in the club: specifically Steve

STEVE: what?

blinky barnes: i named a goat after you

Sammy: why?

YEET: it was a runty little baby goat and it was angrily headbutting a rhino and then it fell over

blinky barnes: then it charged at a fencepost

STEVE: oh

blinky barnes: hence

blinky barnes: Steve

retep rekarp: what are the rest of their names?

Pepperoni: oh my gosh do you have pictures?

T’crying in the club: i sent them to you

Pepperoni: Thank you!

Human disaster: what just happened?

green and mean: pepper likes baby goats

Pepperoni: i’m stressed okay

Pepperoni: i’ve got four deadlines this week and you skipped half the meetings to do whatever it is that you do

retep rekarp: oh uh

retep rekarp: that’s my fault

Pepperoni: I’m not mad don’t worry, peter

Pepperoni: just very overwhelmed

retep rekarp: is there anyway that I can help?

Pepperoni: thank you but I’m afraid not

retep rekarp: okay well if you change your mind, you know where to find me

RED: that was wholesome

green and mean: Hulk said that made him smile so good job Peter

retep rekarp: OH MY GOD REALLY

green and mean: yes

Hammer: you are adorable

Hammer: like a puppy

Sammy: thor you’ll make the kid cry

YEET: gay

retep rekarp: SHUT UP

Sammy: well on that note

blinky barnes: peter i sent you the rest of their names

retep rekarp: THIS IS GREAT


	14. Chapter 14

**_7:34 am_ **

**BUCKY << TONY**

Bucky: did you know that Peter gets picked on at school?

Tony: yeah but he won’t let me do anything about it

Bucky: Can I give him a sword?

Tony: what?

Tony: No

Bucky: why not?

Tony: It’s against regulations first of all

Tony: Secondly how would that help

Bucky: it’s long and pointy 

Bucky: don’t even go there

Tony: you handed it right to me

Bucky: i don’t care

Bucky: it would help

Tony: no

Tony: you can give Peter a pocket knife though

Tony: i don’t know what he’ll say but can’t hurt

Bucky: okay

**_7:45 am_ **

**PETE << MR.STARK**

Pete: uh, Mr. stark? 

Mr. Stark: yeah?

Pete: why did bucky give me three pocket knives?

Mr. Stark: oh jeez

Mr. Stark: He wanted to give you a sword

Pete: but why

Mr. Stark: to stop you from being picked on

Pete: oh

Pete: I feel bad now

Mr. Stark: why

Pete: i wouldn’t take any of them

Pete: it’s okay, i told him i’d take one

Mr. Stark: just be careful, kid

Pete: roger that

**_9:18 am_ **

**TONES <<< CAPSICLE**

Tones: hey, Steve?

Capsicle: if you’re gonna ask me if Peter would like one of those giant stuffed animals you got 

Capsicle: the answer is of course he would

Tones: great

Tones: i already put it in my cart

Capsicle: of course you did

**_5:53 pm_ **

**WHAT THE SHIT PARKER**

Sammy: why is Clint lying on the ground and wearing sunglasses?

STEVE: is he sleeping?

blinky barnes: nah, he’s unconscious. We were playing with a frisbee

Human disaster: you played frisbee with Steve’s shield?

blinky barnes: yes

blinky barnes: anyway i knocked him out and put sunglasses on him in case someone thinks he’s dead or something

RED: take a picture

blinky barnes: done

YEET: could he be dead though?

green and mean: probably

T'crying in the club: jesus christ

**_4:43 am_ **

**WHAT THE SHIT PARKER**

RED: Steve, are you there?

STEVE: what happened? 

Human disaster: we’re at the junkyard for this mission and we’re having a bit of an issue

STEVE: please don’t tell me bucky stuck his metal into the magnet

RED: bucky stuck his metal arm into the magnet

Blinky barnes: i’m okay though

YEET: this is disastrous

green and mean: i wish this was the first time this happened

retep rekarp: so are you leaving him there?

STEVE: no

STEVE: i’m on my way

RED: great

T’crying in the club: someone kill me please

Sammy: i’m right there with you

YEET: AAAAAAAAA

**_3:32 pm_ **

**BUCKY << NAT**

Bucky: i found two puppies in the alley

Nat: okay?

Bucky: i’m not gonna keep em but i’m gonna name em

Nat: after Steve?

Bucky: one’s after him, the other’s after sam

Nat: that’s nice… I think

Bucky: they’re named Stupid and little bitch

Nat: there it is

Bucky: i’m just kidding

Bucky: i named the first one bird

Nat: of course you did

**_7:39 pm_ **

**SPIDER KID << BUCKY**

Spider Kid: Bucky?

Bucky: what’s up kid?

Spider Kid: why is Mr. Rogers not allowed to accept dares

Bucky: he didn’t tell you?

Spider kid: nope

Bucky: he has no regard for his own personal safety

Spider kid: oh

Spider kid: wait what?

Bucky: he does stuff all the time that puts him in danger to protect other people

Bucky: how do you think he got to be captain America?

Spider kid: that makes a lot of sense

Bucky: yup

**_6:32 pm_ **

**NAT <<<PETER**

Nat: so, I read something interesting in the New York Post this morning

Peter: I feel like I should be worried

Nat: it said that if spiders worked together they could eat all humans in a year

Peter: soooooo

Peter: what exactly?

Nat: I think we could do it faster than that

Peter: one issue

Nat: yes?

Peter: not a cannibal

Nat: We could just kill everyone but our family

Peter: I feel like this is probably why Mr. Stark tells me to be wary of you

Nat: also probably because I lied to him when we first met and then turned out to be an assassin superspy 

Peter: also that 

Peter: yes


	15. Chapter 15

**_11:13 am_ **

**SCOOBY GANG**

biderman: ned you promised

Princess: what happened

biderman: he broke his promise

Nedster: sorry?

MJ: what promise?

Nedster: i promised I wouldn’t get wierdly attached to the next person who was nice to me

MJ: so that was a fucking lie?

biderman: yes

Princess: who was it?

Nedster: a literal stranger

Nedster: i dropped my metrocard and they gave it back to me

Princess: i’d marry them

Princess: They didn’t steal it 

biderman: DON’T ENCOURAGE HIM

Princess: what?

Princess: i’m just saying that I would marry the stranger for totally legal reasons

Nedster: see shuri agrees with me

biderman: you guys have no self preseveration

Nedster: says you

biderman: fair

Princess: MJ you okay? 

Princess: you’re being really quiet

MJ: i’m fine

MJ: i have to go

**_11:34 am_ **

**SHURI << MJ**

Shuri: MJ

Shuri: I’m sorry

Shuri: I don’t know what I did but I feel the need to say sorry

MJ: it’s fine Shuri

MJ: i’m just busy

Shuri: you’re lying

Shuri: even through the text I can tell that you’re lying

MJ: maybe so

Shuri: why?

MJ: because

Shuri: I wouldn’t marry the stranger if that helps

MJ: that…

MJ: yes it does

Shuri: because I’d rather marry you

MJ: what

Shuri: too forward?

MJ: no 

MJ: maybe

MJ: idk i’m not used to having feelings

Shuri: YOU’RE ADORABLE

MJ: this conversation is over

Shuri: NO WAIT 

Shuri: COME BACK

MJ: fine

MJ: it’s hard for me to express emotions

MJ: but I like you too

Shuri: i know

Shuri: i had a feeling

MJ: and thank you for the build-a-bear

Shuri: I didn’t send you a build-a-bear?

MJ: it says from shuri on it

Shuri: oh my god

MJ: ??

Shuri: i’m just gonna say you’re welcome 

MJ: wait who’s it from?

Shuri: T’challa

Shuri: because he wanted me to get over myself and ask you out but then he thought that doing that would show that I cared about you so you would do it and he wouldn’t have to hear me talk about you anymore

MJ: he didn’t really think that through

Shuri: nope

MJ: i really do have to go now

Shuri: okay

Shuri: i will tell you the next time i’m in New York!!

MJ: okay 

**_1:03 pm_ **

**SHURI << T'CHALLA**

Shuri: brother!

T’challa: yes?

Shuri: can we go to new york?

T’challa: what for?

Shuri: So i can see MJ?

T’challa: and?

Shuri: So I can go on a date with MJ

Shuri: and so you can tell Sam that you’re in love with him

T’challa: i am not in love with him

T’challa: i merely have respect for him

Shuri: sure

Shuri: and Natasha has respect for Pepper

Shuri: she’s also in love with her

T’challa: you are infuriating 

T’challa: you know?

Shuri: yes

Shuri: it’s one of my many talents

Shuri: so can we go??

T’challa: let me see what arrangements I can make first

Shuri: THANK YOU BROTHER

**_1:19 pm_ **

**SHURI << PETER, NED**

Shuri: so T’challa may be letting us come to new york so I can take MJ on a date help

Peter: help?

Ned: You need help with it?

Shuri: will she hate it if I surprise her?

Shuri: should I tell her that I’m coming?

peter: probably

Ned: i think it could be cute if you surprised her

Shuri: yeah but she doesn’t really like surprises does she?

peter: not really

Peter: what if you tell her you’re supposed to come in like two weeks and then show up earlier and be like I was able to come earlier

Shuri: oooh 

Shuri: okay

Peter: do you know what you’re going to do?

Shuri: yeah i got that part figured out

Ned: aw she’s going to love it

Shuri: i hope so

Ned: so don’t tell either of us when you’re coming because we can’t keep secrets

Peter: for real

Shuri: i won’t tell you guys but T’challa is going to tell Tony

Peter: is he finally going to confess to Sam?

Shuri: i have no idea

Ned: wait your brother and sam?

Peter: you have no idea

Shuri: yes my brother and Sam

Shuri: he needs to just kiss him and get it over with

Ned: we can help

Peter: just stick them in a closet and lock it until they figure it out

Shuri: good idea

**_1:39 pm_ **

**SHURI << MJ**

Shuri: Hey!! I’m coming to New York in two weeks! I couldn’t wait any longer and so I bugged T’challa to go

MJ: awesome

Shuri: I have an idea of what I’d like to do with you but that’ll be a surprise, is that okay?

MJ: yeah, that’s okay. We honestly could just sit as long as we’re together

Shuri: YOU’RE SAPPY

MJ: sorry?

Shuri: NO I LIKE IT

MJ: okay good


	16. Chapter 16

**_5:23 am_ **

**SCOOBY GANG**

biderman: Ok so you know how you sometimes combine words when you’re talking 

Nedster: yes why

Princess: yeah

MJ:Yeah

Marley: Can you do that with sign language 

Nedster: i do it a lot

Princess: wym 

biderman: Like accidentally combine 2 signs 

Princess: ask clint

Biderman: he says that he has before before but when he wasn't fluent but he doesn’t know about people that sign daily 

biderman: i was just thinking about it

MJ: I’ve seen Clint sign, it’s very fast paced so i’m sure some people do

biderman: omg i’d hate to have tourette’s and be deaf

biderman: you’d probably sign random words the way people do with talking 

**_4:24 pm_ **

**WHAT THE SHIT PARKER**

Human disaster: I started watching the umbrella academy again and its as annoying how they put upbeat songs over important scenes i cant stand it 

RED: Me too

Bird brain: I like it it’s funny 

Bird brain: It’s called comedy you wouldn’t get it

RED: Its funny 1 time and then its like shut up

Sammy: i don't think I've ever seen Nat get so worked up over tv shows

blinky barnes: don't ever watch horror movies with her then

STEVE: really

STEVE: She yells at the screen the entire time

RED: shut up so do you

YEET: i love horror movies

YEET: it's why i love the scary movie series because it's stupid

retep rekarp: scary move two is the best

Rocky Rhode: i see enough horror in my day to day life

Rocky Rhode: I don't need to see it on a screen

green and mean: agreed

green and mean: plus the big guy doesn't like them, makes him agitated

Hammer: i have never seen a horror movie

STEVE: we watched silence of the lambs the other day together Thor, that's a horror movie

Hammer: tis it? 

Hammer: wasn't scary

STEVE: it was alright

Sammy: horror movies ain't my type either

T'crying in the club: I don't particularly like them either

YEET: Liar

T'crying in the club: what?

YEET: you watched one with me last month

T'crying in the club: because you wanted to

YEET: sureeee

retep rekarp: oh my god 

Pepperoni: i'm putting you all on mute

Rocky rhode: me too

Human disaster: wait, what's everyone's favorite movie?

Rocky Rhode: no

Rocky Rhode: you just want to debate it 

retep rekarp: Star Wars

blinky barnes: Which one?

retep rekarp: empire strikes back

blinky barnes: i like the newest ones 

blinky barnes: rey reminds me of Nat

blinky barnes: or shuri

YEET: THANK YOU

Hammer: I quite enjoy mean girls

Hammer: i think it is funny

Hammer: so does the hulk

Sammy: you and the big guy watch movies together?

Hammer: one is not there without the other

green and mean: they get along better than I do with him

STEVE: weird

**_8:29 pm_ **

**BUCKY <<< SHURI, PETER**

Bucky: https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMJDgXJbd/

Bucky: sam just sent this to me

Bucky: what does this mean? 

Shuri: Dauh vinkiiii?

Peter: it’s just a meme 

Shuri: Ok but how did they think Mona Lisa painted the Mona Lisa

Peter: I DONT EVEN KNOW

Peter: IM LAUGHING SO FUCKIN HARD

**_7:23 am_ **

**WHAT THE SHIT PARKER**

Sammy: Tony just sprayed his garbage can with axe and I swear I’m dying

Sammy: It smells so bad

retep rekarp: EWWWHAHAH 

blinky barnes: Send help

STEVE: I can taste it

Human disaster: Lay off, I got three hours of sleep last night, I drank four cups of coffee this morning and my hands can’t stop shaking

YEET: omg 

retep rekarp: Yo 

Rocky Rhode: That’s not good

Human disaster: I’m so tired and buzzed 

**_10:23 pm_ **

**NED << PETER**

Ned: https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMJUbT97S/

Ned: its a sign Peter

Peter: I’m not shaving my head 

Ned: Ok cool when are you doing it ill help

Peter: Oh my god 😂

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Sorry for being MIA, I've been super busy and stressed the past couple of weeks so i didn't get a chance to update this.


	17. Chapter 17

**_12:24 pm_ **

**SHURI << PETER, NED**

Shuri: okay help

Shuri: i’m freaking out

Shuri: what if she doesn’t like it?

Peter: Shuri breathe

Ned: she’ll love it

Ned: she likes anything to do with you

Peter: yeah

Peter: don’t stress too bad

Shuri: i’m also freaking out regarding my brother

Shuri: if i have to hear one more time about Sam Wilson i’m going to jump off a bridge

Peter: oh my god

Ned: get MJ in on this

Ned: she’s devious when she wants to be

Shuri: okay

**_12:28 pm_ **

**SCOOBY GANG**

Princess: HELP ME GET MY BROTHER TOGETHER WITH SAM

MJ: woah why we shouting

Princess: I need to get my brother to stop pining

Princess: send help

biderman: i’m telling you when you come to New York, we lock them in a closet together

Nedster: that’s a bad idea

Biderman: and why is that?

Nedster: sam’s claustrophobic isn’t he? 

MJ: how do you know that?

Nedster: he told me

biderman: i never knew that

Nedster: *shrug*

Princess: never type that out again

Princess: i’m shuddering

Ned: sorry

MJ: okay then

biderman: any other ideas? 

Nedster: steal their phones and tell the other person as we pretend to be them

MJ: okay no

MJ: that’ll end in disaster

MJ: seriously you guys suck at this

biderman: okay then how do you propose we do this?

MJ: you wanna give me Sam’s phone number? 

MJ: I bet I could get him to agree to confess to T’challa

MJ: or vice versa

Princess: you… you’re right

Princess: **[t’challa]**

Princess: for my mental sanity please let this work

biderman: **[Sam the bird man]**

biderman: give it your best shot

**_12:46 pm_ **

**MJ has created a chat**

**MJ has added T’challa and Sam to the chat**

MJ: sort out your shit you’re driving me up a wall and I don’t even know you both that well

MJ: if you have questions about what i’m talking about 

MJ: you shouldn’t

MJ: i’m putting you on mute 

T’challa: what?

Sam: what just happened?

T’challa: MJ? Did Shuri put you up to this? 

Sam: Or Peter?

T’challa: what does Peter have to do with this? 

Sam: What do any of those meddling kids have to do with this? 

T’challa: well Shuri has been pestering me to talk to you for a while now?

Sam: really? Why? 

T’challa: She’s devious that’s why

Sam: i still don’t understand

MJ: jesus you’re both worse than Peter 

MJ: Sam, T’challa likes you

MJ: T’challa, Sam likes you

MJ: now do something about it 

**MJ has left the chat**

Sam: well shit

T’challa: agreed

Sam: Is she telling the truth? 

Sam: Do you actually like me like that?

T’challa: Do you like me like that?

Sam: you’re deflecting

T’challa: So are you

Sam: we sound like middle schoolers my god

T’challa: she was telling the truth

T’challa: i may have a deep respect for you

T’challa: that sometimes makes me want to kiss you

Sam: Oh 

Sam: wow

Sam: i uh me too

T’challa: I’m not sure I understand

Sam: I have a deep respect for you as well and I most of the time want to kiss you

T’challa: Well, we’ll just have to make up for lost time then

Sam: what?

T’challa: Shuri and I are coming to New York so she can go on a date with MJ 

T’challa: would you like to go on a date with me when we arrive?

Sam: I would

Sam: I would like that very much

**_4:09 pm_ **

**T'CHALLA <<SHURI**

T’challa: i don’t know what you did or why you got MJ involved but thank you

Shuri: IT WORKED??

T’challa: I don’t know what you’re talking about 

T’challa: or what worked

T’challa: but Sam and I are going on a date 

Shuri: IT WORKED

Shuri: OH MY GOD

Shuri: THIS IS THE BEST

**_5:02 pm_ **

**SCOOBY GANG**

Princess: IT WORKED

Princess: MJ YOU’RE A MIRACLE WORKER

MJ: i try

biderman: I literally owe you so much

biderman: i owe you my life

MJ: no thanks 

MJ: i’ve seen it i’m not impressed

biderman: ouch

Nedster: damn

Nedster: that’s cold

biderman: at least i can hold this over Sam’s head for a while before he tries anything

Princess: what do you mean?

biderman: oh he and bucky just like to tease me

biderman: it’s friendly stuff 

biderman: but i’m just gonna use that everytime like you can’t tease me i helped get you and T’challa together so suck it

Princess: oh 

MJ: you are a child

biderman: you know it ;)


	18. Chapter 18

**_6:03 am_ **

**WHAT THE SHIT PARKER**

RED: tell them how you screwed up

bird brain: NO

RED: You do it or I do it or I get Peter to spill everything he has on you

Hammer: i do not understand

Hammer: you are afraid of the spiderling?

bird brain: yes

retep rekarp: as you should be

Hammer: why?

green and mean: peter somehow knows everything about everyone

retep rekarp: it’s because I can get places the rest of you can’t

retep rekarp: like the ceiling

Human disaster: so what did clint do to warrant this?

bird brain: you know your other kid

Human disaster: my what?

bird brain: your other kid

bird brain: harley

Human disaster: oh 

Human disaster: yeah

retep rekarp: who’s Harley?

Rocky Rhode: i’ll tell you

retep rekarp: okay

Human disaster: NO DON’T

Rocky Rhode: why not

Human disaster: BECAUSE

bird brain: well apparently he’s here now

Human disaster: HE WHAT

bird brain: and I just straight up said out loud on the street I didn’t know Tony had another son

bird brain: so if the reporters think you have two kids

bird brain: my bad

Pepperoni: until the day you learn how to start a normal conversation I will have to be there to fix the messes you make

Human disaster: CLINT

Human disaster: I HATE THIS 

**_6:14 am_ **

**PETER << NED**

Peter: so 

Peter: Mr. Stark apparently has another kid

Peter: his name is Harley

Peter: and Mr. Stark doesn't want me to know about him

Ned: why?

Peter: i don't know

Peter: do you think you could like look him up and stuff? 

Peter: possibly hack some things if needed

Ned: uh

Ned: peter, why?

Peter: because now i'm curious

Ned: you're insatiable when you're curious

Peter: I know

Peter: I promise I'll bring you some more of bucky's cookies? 

Ned: deal

Peter: good cause he just made some and gave me extra for you

Ned: REALLY

Peter: yup

Peter: now get cracking

**_8:34 am_ **

**HARLEY <<< PETER**

Harley: Is this Peter Parker?

Peter: Uh, who is this? 

Harley: Harley Keener

Harley: i found your number in the old man's phone

Harley: he's mentioned you

Peter: Yes, i'm peter

**PETER CREATED A NEW CONTACT**

Peter: i've never heard about you before

Harley: the old man's said nothing huh?

Harley: well maybe he was just afraid I'd like you too much

Harley: you're very cute

Peter: you don't know what I look like

Harley: he keeps pictures of you in his lab

Peter: oh right

Peter: i forgot

Harley: gtg

**_8:52 am_ **

**PETER <<< NED**

Peter: he texted me

Peter: he thinks I'm cute

Ned: oh no

Ned: also is this him?

Ned: [boyfromtennassee]

Peter: idk

Peter: i've never seen him before

Peter: I'll ask rhodey hold on

Peter: Rhodey said that's not him

Ned: this is already a bad idea

Peter: what? why?

Ned: you're gonna like him i just know it

Ned: don't lie to me

Peter: who do you think i am?

Ned: Peter...

Peter: I don't like him

Peter: he apparently thinks I'm cute though so there's that

Ned: just be careful okay? 

Peter: you think I'm suddenly gonna start hanging out with this kid all the time? 

peter: i didn't even know he existed until like today

Ned: okay

Ned: if you say so 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's Harley!


	19. Chapter 19

**_5:03 am_ **

**SHURI <<< PETER**

Shuri: PETER

Shuri: HELP

Peter: it's five in the morning

Peter: what do you want

Shuri: well 

Shuri: first of all ouch as if you weren't awake already

Shuri: secondly, we land in like three hours and I really need to know if MJ likes tea otherwise this idea will not be good

Peter: i mean she's not an avid tea drinker but she drinks it occasionally

Peter: i'm sure you'll be fine

Shuri: THANK YOU

Peter: I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU

Shuri: I KNOW ME NEITHER

Shuri: I'll let you know when we land

Peter: I'm sure Mr. Stark will let me know

Peter: i'm staying at the tower for the night

Peter: May had something to do for work 

Shuri: oh cool

Shuri: okay bye!!

**_8:56 am_ **

**SHURI <<< PETER, NED**

Shuri: we just landed!

Ned: I can't wait to see you!

Peter: we're literally so excited

Ned: peter's literally vibrating out of his skin

Shuri: and MJ has no idea right? 

Ned: Nope

Peter: not that I know of

Ned: trust me it was hard to get Peter to keep that secret

Shuri: i bet

Peter: hey!!

**_9:13 am_ **

**MJ << NED, PETER**

MJ: yo losers

Peter: you rang?

Ned: yello?

MJ: thank you

Peter: for what?

MJ: Shuri told me you guys helped her with this 

MJ: so thank you

Ned: i mean not really but you're welcome!

Peter: ^^

Ned: wait what are you doing? 

Peter: yeah Shuri wouldn't tell us

MJ: well that I understand

Peter: hey!!

MJ: we're at Cha-An Teahouse

MJ: it's nice

**_4:00 pm_ **

**SCOOBY GANG**

biderman: shuri 

biderman: i'm begging you

biderman: come collect your brother

Princess: why? 

Princess: what's he doing? 

Ned: he and Sam are flirting with each other

Ned: like blatantly flirting with each other

biderman: i might just get diabetes they're so cute

MJ: dear god

biderman: if this goes on for much longer I might just blow my brains out

Ned: big mood

MJ: but is it worse than Steve and Tony?

biderman: actually yes

MJ: oh wow

Princess: OH MY GOD

Princess: THAT'S SO SAD

Princess: we're coming back now so don't worry

Ned: thank god

Peter: I WANT A HUG

Peter: oh also apparently you're meeting Harley though i'm not allowed to???

Princess: who??

Ned: Tony's first kid

MJ: biological?

Ned: no

Peter: he met him during the mandarin incident

Peter: idk he's very heavily against me meeting him in person but he has my phone number 

Princess: i'll face time you!

Peter: GOOD IDEA

Ned: dear god you're gonna get us all killed

Princess: that's the plan

MJ: do it faster

Princess: ;)

MJ: not like that

Princess: sureeee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo before you come for me for the diabetes thing, I have it so I can make those jokes thank you


	20. Chapter 20

**_8:34 am_ **

**OLD MAN <<< PAININMYASS**

Old Man: Look kid, we’ve gotta set some things straight

Paininmyass: me? straight? Ridiculous 

Old Man: point

Old Man: but i’m kinda trying to be serious

Paininmyass: congrats, you’re failing spectacularly

Old Man: yeah yeah thanks

Old Man: it’s about Peter

Paininmyass: Oh your intern? 

Old Man: yes my intern

Old Man: How did you know that? 

Paininmyass: the pictures in the lab

Old Man: I need you to stay away from him for both of your sakes okay? 

Paininmyass: uh no

Paininmyass: i’m gonna need more than that, okay? Listen, I’m very thankful that you’re letting me stay with you until my mom figures out what to do with Abby but I am kinda old enough to make my own decisions and I really don’t have to stay here. Is that what it is? Me being here encroaching on your territory with him? Cause I don’t have to be here. 

Old Man: no that’s not it at all, Harley. I just don’t want to see you get hurt is all

Paininmyass: get hurt? From what? peter seems harmless and he’s cute ;)

Old Man: Dear god

Paininmyass: plus I’ve already said hi and he seemed nice enough so I think I’ll be fine

Old Man: You said hi? 

Paininmyass: i went snooping through your phone, which you really should lock better, and found his number 

Paininmyass: you said his name once before and I made the connection

Paininmyass: i texted him

Old Man: oh 

Old Man: oh no

Paininmyass: yeah and apparently you’ve never mentioned me before which low blow old man

Old Man: I told you already, I don’t want you to get hurt. Look, Harls, we’re connected but you’re still a pain in my ass and I love you for that, I really do but I really want to protect you both. You and Peter. 

Paininmyass: I say you let us meet and figure that shit out for our selves

Old Man: exhibit A as to why your name is Paininmyass 

Paininmyass: I don’t really care 

Old Man: just don’t give me a heart attack, okay? 

Paininmyass: no promises

**_9:29 am_ **

**HARLEY <<<PETER**

Harley: this is Peter, right? 

Peter: yup 

Harley: sweet, just wanted to double check

Peter: uh, okay??

Peter: did you need something? 

Harley: I know you know that I’m staying with Tony

Peter: yeah, why? 

Harley: how would you feel if I came to school with you for like a day? 

Peter: i barely know you but if it would make you more comfortable to see a friendly face, why don’t we meet first? 

Harley: I like you already

Peter: are you currently at the tower? 

Harley: nope, sightseeing 

Peter: oh sweet

Peter: i can meet you? 

Peter: lmk the place and i’ll swing over

Peter: uh

Peter: yeah

Harley: you okay? 

Peter: fine!

Harley: okay, uh, sure, I’d like that

Harley: Central Park

Peter: sweet 

Peter: see you soon!

**_9:33 am_ **

**PETER <<<NED**

Peter: NED

Ned: what’s up? 

Peter: I AM MEETING HARLEY FACE TO FACE 

Peter: ALONE

Ned: why? 

Peter: he wants to come to school with us for like a day and I offered to meet him in case he would be more comfortable to see a friendly face. 

Ned: this is a dumpster fire already

Peter: NOT HELPING

Ned: i’m getting MJ in on this

Peter: NO

Peter: LITERALLY ANYBODY BUT MJ

Ned: your aunt? Mr. Stark? 

Peter: touche

Ned: just breathe, ok? And if you need anything, lmk

Peter: okay, okay

Peter: i’m heading over now

Peter: will update you when we’re done 

Ned: I will await your message

Peter: aye my good sir

**_9:36 am_ **

**PETER <<<NED**

Peter: FUCK

Peter: HE’S HOT

Ned: i called this

Peter: I just said he was hot I didn’t say I like him, get your act together

Ned: you’re one to talk

Peter: touche

Peter: ok gtg we’re heading to the tower

Ned: i’m preparing your funeral

Peter: good

Ned: Farewell my good friend

Peter: Mr. Stark looks pissed 

Peter: wish me luck

Ned: good luck

**_10:15 am_ **

**PETER <<<NED**

Peter: so… 

Peter: i’m not dead

Peter: and uh

Peter: Mr. Stark is allowing us to see each other? Like as friends? 

Ned: okay? Why do you sound so nervous? 

Peter: You can hear that over texts? 

Ned: no but I know you

Peter: because he’s funny, like we have similar humor, Shuri liked him, he’s HOT

Peter: and we have similar interests 

Peter: if i was female, my ovaries would’ve exploded already

Ned: dear god

Ned: listen, pete, I can’t really control what you do

Ned: just be careful

Peter: aye aye captain

**_2:34 pm_ **

**UNKNOWN NUMBER <<<HARLEY**

Unknown number: is this Harley Keener? 

Harley: uh, should I actually answer that? 

Unknown number: My name is Ned

Unknown number: I’m friends with Peter

Unknown number: he gave me your number

Harley: oh

Harley: okay one sec

**HARLEY CREATED A NEW CONTACT**

**NED <<<HARLEY**

Harley: yeah, this is Harley

Harley: why? Is something wrong with peter? 

Ned: what? 

Ned: no

Ned: I just don’t want him to get hurt

Ned: as his best friend, it’s my job to look out for him when he won’t look out for himself

Harley: is this some kind of shovel talk? Because Peter and I are friends but haven’t done anything, though he’s cute

Ned: it’s not a shovel talk

Ned: I just thought you should know 

Ned: and introduce myself to you

Harley: Uh-huh

Harley: well, I can assure you, my intentions are not to hurt Peter, he seems chill, I just want to be friends

Ned: right

Harley: you know, you’re the second person to tell me that I should be careful with him

Harley: is there something I should know? 

Ned: not my place

Ned: but you should know that Peter has a bad habit of throwing himself head first into things without really thinking it through. I just want what’s best for him.

Harley: respect

Harley: well thanks

Harley: uh, see you around, i guess

Ned: yeah


	21. Chapter 21

**_12:01 pm_ **

**HARLEY <<PETER**

Harley: you know, I talked to your friend Ned

Peter: oh no

Peter: what did he say to you? 

Harley: nothing bad dw

Harley: he just, uh, basically told me to be careful with you

Peter: I’m going to kill him

Harley: i’m sure you will

Peter: Listen, if it’s any consolation, Ned’s not very threatening 

Peter: it’s MJ you have to be wary of

Peter: Or Shuri

Harley: i like Shuri

Peter: me too

Peter: girl’s like my sister

Harley: oh cool

Harley: who’s MJ?

Peter: my other best friend

Harley: Oh

Harley: The one who Shuri was here for, right? 

Peter: yeah

Harley: nice

Peter: she’s great, really, she just takes some getting used to

Peter: but if you come to school with us, i’ll introduce you

Harley: Tony wants me to go but idk 

Harley: It’ll be wierd bc I’m transferring in the middle of the year and not at the beginning

Peter: tbh nobody’ll bat an eye 

Peter: the only one who you want to watch out for is Flash Thompson

Peter: he’s a bit of a dick

Harley: oh ok

Peter: but everybody’s great for the most part

Harley: Yeah, I’m hoping they don’t hate me or whatever

Peter: they probably will be cautious of you but won’t hate you

Harley: cautious? 

Peter: yeah, our last classmate who transferred in, her parents tried to bomb half the school cause they were supervillains 

Peter: and another one who transferred out, her dad was a supervillain too

Harley: oh wow

Peter: yeah

Harley: okay understandable

Peter: I mean everybody ended up okay, spiderman saved them and whatnot

Harley: spider-man huh

Harley: isn’t tony like his mentor or something? 

Peter: uh, idk 

Peter: i mean I work for the guy but he doesn’t tell me that kind of stuff

Harley: you work for him? 

Peter: uh, yeah 

Peter: i mean, not like getting him coffees and stuff but like, I work in the lab

Harley: have you ever met any of the other avengers? 

Peter: oh yeah

Peter: they’re pretty nice

Peter: and Pepper’s the greatest

Harley: yeah she is

Harley: she’s like my makeshift mom

Peter: she’s like my second mom so I get you

Peter: my aunt is mine ig

Harley: oh, you live with your aunt? 

Peter: yeah

Harley: how come? 

Peter: Uh

Peter: i hate to be a downer

Peter: my parents died and then my uncle died too so I’ve got a great track record

Harley: i’m sorry

Harley: i didn’t know

Peter: eh what can you do about it? 

Harley: i’m staying with Tony cause my dad left us six years ago and hasn’t come back and my mom has to focus on my little sister

Harley: she actually reminds me of Shuri

Peter: oh no

Harley: she’s the best

Peter: how come she didn’t come with you? 

Harley: I don’t really know

Peter: i can tell that was a lie but I won’t push

Peter: anyways, I’ve gtg but it was nice talking to you!

Harley: yeah, you too

**_3:07 pm_ **

**MJ <<<PETER**

MJ: ned told me you’re being an idiot with the kid

Peter: what? 

Peter: no

Peter: that’s crazy

MJ: peter 

MJ: do I have to remind you of Jeffery

Peter: no

MJ: so don’t do anything stupid

MJ: you know you have a tendency to dive in headfirst when you shouldn’t

MJ: I don’t want to see you like that ever again

Peter: i think that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me

MJ: Shut up loser

Peter: and she’s back

MJ: Just listen to me for a second

MJ: take this slow

MJ: if you want whatever this is that you have with him, take it slow 

Peter: yes ma’am

**_6:13 pm_ **

**HARLEY <<PEPPER**

Harley: pepper? 

Pepper: Harley, is everything alright? 

Harley: yeah, everything's fine. I was wondering if I could ask you something? 

Pepper: Sure, sweetheart, what’s up? 

Harley: it’s about Peter? 

Pepper: Oh, uh, I’m not sure if I can answer that without upsetting Tony

Harley: I had a feeling but I had to try anyway

Pepper: What exactly did you want to know? 

Harley: a few things

Harley: how he and Tony are so close/why they met 

Harley: and, uh, is Peter spiderman? 

Pepper: What? 

Harley: well, he, uh, kept reacting oddly whenever I would bring up spider-man or any of the other’s and he was clearly uncomfortable talking about him in third person 

Pepper: You’ve talked to him? 

Harley: yeah and Tony knows this 

Harley: he’s not exactly happy about it but he can’t really control us 

Pepper: Okay, then. I can ask Tony to talk to you, face to face, if that will make this better for you? 

Harley: uh, sure, I guess. I just want to know why I should be careful with him and if it has anything to do with that

Pepper: I’m not sure, kiddo. 

Harley: okay, thanks

Pepper: Anytime, Harley. I promise. We’re here for you even if you don’t want us to be because we, Tony understands what it’s like to have an unstable family and an absent father. 

Harley: yeah, I know

**_4:30 am_ **

**OLD MAN <<< PAININMYASS**

Old Man: yes Peter is spider-man

Old Man: yes we met because of that

Old Man: I saw a video of him on youtube

Old Man: he’s like my second son

Old Man: you’re my first, kid

Old Man: you might be a pain in my ass sometimes but god do I think of you like a son, Harley

Old Man: you don’t have to worry about any of that

Old Man: and we’re close because he spends a lot of time at the tower with the rest of us, his aunt knows too, as do his friends MJ and Ned, but he does his best to keep his secret, unlike the rest of us

Old Man: I’m sorry that you felt that you had to go through Pepper because I made myself unavailable to you, kid

Old Man: sleep well

**_8:24 am_ **

**PAININMYASS <<< OLD MAN**

Paininmyass: thank you Tony

Paininmyass: that helps

Old Man: anything for my favorite pain

Paininmyass: don’t I know it ;)


	22. Chapter 22

**_9:23 pm_ **

**HARLEY <<< PETER**

Harley: so spider-man huh? 

Peter: what? 

Peter: how do you know? 

Harley: I figured it out and asked Tony

Harley: he caved

Peter: oh

Harley: don’t be mad at him, really, it’s not his fault

Peter: I’m not mad

Peter: I just have to stress to you that you need to be careful bc I could get you hurt and also please keep it a secret

Peter: not that many people know

Harley: of course, Peter

Peter: thank you

Harley: you know, it’s not many times that you meet your favorite superhero and just so happen to know he’s also secretly a dork

Peter: favorite superhero? 

Harley: yeah, just don’t tell Tony

Peter: oh wow

Peter: uh, that’s great

Harley: Did I break you? 

**_9:28 pm_ **

**SCOOBY GANG**

biderman: I’M HIS FAVORITE SUPERHERO WHAT DO I DO

Princess: what? Who? 

biderman: HARLEY

biderman: I’M PRETTY SURE HE’S FLIRTING WITH ME BUT I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO

Nedster: well answer him

MJ: don’t leave him hanging 

biderman: WILL UPDATE LATER

**_9:32 pm_ **

**HARLEY << PETER**

Peter: uh no

Peter: not at all

Harley: uh-huh

Peter: I’m not secretly a dork fyi

Peter: i’m very aware that I am a huge dork 

Harley: that doesn’t surprise me

Peter: well, you’re a dork too if I’m a dork

Harley: oh I know

Peter: am I really your favorite superhero? 

Harley: yeah

Peter: I feel like that should make me feel pressured to perform but it doesn’t

Harley: No? How would I go about doing that? 

Peter: idk I’m pretty sure you should ask Ned and MJ for pointers on that

Peter: oh god why did I say that? you’re totally going to

Harley: don’t you know it ;)

Peter: it’s suddenly very warm in my room

Harley: do I make you blush, sweetheart? 

Peter: NO

Harley: uh-huh

Harley: i don’t believe that

Peter: GOODBYE YOU ASSHOLE

**_9:36 pm_ **

**SCOOBY GANG**

Princess: wait I thought Stark didn’t want to you know each other

biderman: he didn’t

Princess: and?? how do you know each other? How does he know you’re spiderman?? 

Nedster: Harley swiped Peter’s contact from Mr. Stark’s phone and texted him

MJ: Peter’s been kinda freaking out about it for a while now

Princess: HOW COULD I NOT KNOW ABOUT THIS?? 

biderman: and Mr. Stark told him after he figured it out and started asking questions

Nedster: how did he figure it out? 

biderman: idk man

MJ: it’s because you’re the most obvious being on the planet

biderman: ouch

Princess: she’s got a point

Nedster: of course you agree

Princess: you don’t? 

Nedster: no I do

Princess: ANYWAYS PETER WHAT HAPPENED

biderman: oh he was very flirty 

biderman: hold on

MJ: dear god

biderman: [Harley’sflirtingtechniques.jpg]

Princess: he called you sweetheart?? 

biderman: yup

biderman: and I yelled into my pillow

biderman: i’m pretty sure I startled Clint

Nedster: I just want to say that I called this from the very beginning

MJ: yeah alright you loser

Princess: what’s his contact name? 

biderman: Harley 

Princess: boring!!

biderman: i’m not going to randomly change it

MJ: you should

biderman: fine 

biderman: you people 

**_9:45 pm_ **

**PETER HAS CHANGED CONTACT NAME TO YEEHAW**

YEEHAW: peter what? 

Peter: uh

Peter: we needed a change? 

YEEHAW: you are the worst liar, darling

Peter: YEAH I GOT THAT

YEEHAW: this name is awful by the way

Peter: change it then

YEEHAW: no

YEEHAW: you gave it to me and so it shall stay

YEEHAW: but I’m changing yours then

**YEEHAW HAS CHANGED CONTACT NAME TO WEBSLINGER**

webslinger: i actually really like that

YEEHAW: better than mine

webslinger: i’m not changing it so 

YEEHAW: worth a shot

**_9:49 pm_ **

**SCOOBY GANG**

biderman: it is now YEEHAW

Nedster: what?

MJ: why? 

biderman: he’s from tennassee 

biderman: he has a southern accent

Princess: that is true

MJ: am I the only one who hasn’t met him? 

Nedster: no I haven’t either

biderman: you will tomorrow

biderman: he’s coming to school with us

Nedster: seriously? 

biderman: yeah

MJ: oh this is great

biderman: I regret this already

Princess: you should


	23. Chapter 23

**_3:35 pm_ **

**YEEHAW <<<WEBSLINGER**

YEEHAW: you never said that flash was bullying you

webslinger: would it have made a difference if I did? 

YEEHAW: yeah, i would’ve punched him in the face

webslinger: what? why? 

YEEHAW: the things he says to you and about you?? 

webslinger: i just ignore him

webslinger: just don’t give him ammunition and it’s fine

YEEHAW: but I can’t just ignore that

YEEHAW: he really needs to be taught a lesson or something

webslinger: look Harley, I really appreciate it but just don’t do anything, okay? I’ve been dealing with it for a while now

YEEHAW: clearly

webslinger: so just don’t do anything

YEEHAW: are you sure, pete? Because I’d really like to break his nose

webslinger: i’m sure, harls

YEEHAW: fine

**_4:49 pm_ **

**STEVE <<<HARLEY**

Steve: kid? 

Harley: uh, hello? 

Steve: Tony asked me to talk to you

Harley: did he now? 

Harley: why is that? 

Steve: listen, Tony thinks that you don’t want to be here

Steve: so if that’s the case, can you tell me the truth? it’s stressing him out and I won’t tell him what you said exactly, but it hurts me seeing him so upset

Harley: you’re good for him

Steve: thank you but you’re deflecting

Harley: wow

Harley: i didn’t realize you knew what that stuff was

Steve: I saw a therapist, I know my shit

Harley: apparently

Harley: uh

Harley: it’s not that I don’t want to be here but I feel like he doesn’t want me here and it’s worse with the peter thing because he doesn’t want us to like each other but we’re friends and I don’t want him to take that away

Steve: he wouldn’t do that to you, Harley

Steve: he really cares for you and wants what’s best for both you and Peter

Steve: he doesn’t want either of you to get hurt because he couldn’t choose you over him and vice versa

Harley: thank you for telling me the truth

Steve: thank you for doing the same

**_7:23 pm_ **

**WEBSLINGER <<<YEEHAW**

webslinger: harley???

YEEHAW: what?

webslinger: how long are you staying here for?

YEEHAW: idk until tony gets sick of me

webslinger: oh

webslinger: want to help me glue clint’s shoes to the ceiling?

YEEHAW: uh of course

webslinger: great

**_3:32 am_ **

**PETER <<<NED**

Peter: ned

Ned: why are you awake

Peter: why are you awake

Ned: i asked first

Peter: you know how Harley and I are friends now?

Ned: yeah

Peter: well

Ned: you like him don't you? 

Peter: PERHAPS

Ned: dear god

Ned: also called this from the beginning 

Peter: anyway i don't know what to do about it

Ned: nothing?

Peter: nO

Ned: can you even do anything? Mr. Stark seems to want to not get you to like each other

Peter: you have no idea what I'm capable of

Ned: don't take this the wrong way but I feel like i'm being threatened by a cupcake

Peter: ned!

**_8:28 am_ **

**WHAT THE SHIT PARKER**

retep rekarp: why are so many people obsessed with top or bottom? 

bird brain: i’m gonna tell him

STEVE: No you are not

Human disaster: NO

YEET: PETER CHECK YOUR MESSAGES

STEVE: oh dear god

retep rekarp: that’s disgusting

retep rekarp: wait

retep rekarp: no still gross

**_8:35 am_ **

**YEEHAW <<<WEBSLINGER**

YEEHAW: why did tony just ask me if i’m the reason you asked about tops or bottoms?

Webslinger: oh my god

webslinger: [chat.jpg]

YEEHAW: PETER

webslinger: what?

webslinger: it was a genuine question

YEEHAW: you are so innocent

webslinger: i guess?

YEEHAW: what else don’t you know?

webslinger: why?

**_8:39 am_ **

**MR. STARK <<<PETE**

Mr. Stark: do not listen to anything Harley says

Pete: wait what

Mr. Stark: I can’t believe this

Mr. Stark: this is why i did not want you two to like each other

Pete: I’m confused

Mr. Stark: just don’t answer him 

**_8:47 am_ **

**OLD MAN <<<PAININMYASS**

Old Man: Harley i can’t believe you

Paininmyass: what?

Old Man: i saw your texts 

Paininmyass: to peter?

Old Man: yes

Paininmyass: i was just curious?

Old Man: leave the poor kid alone

Paininmyass: you’re just worried i’m gonna break him

Old Man: EXACTLY

Paininmyass: relax old man

Paininmyass: i don’t want to do anything to him 

Paininmyass: except maybe kiss him

Old Man: NO

Paininmyass: yes? thanks for the permission old man

Old Man: dear god you’re going to kill me

**_4:32 pm_ **

**WHAT THE SHIT PARKER:**

Rocky Rhode: [vidoe.jpg]

_Peter steps into the lab where Harley, bruce and rhodey are. Rhodey’s filming for Tony to be able to watch back._

_Peter hears tony humming, “Hey Mr. Stark who sings this song?"_

_Tony looks up, furrowing his brow, “Queen. don’t you already…"_

_Peter nods, cutting him off, “Yeah, uh-huh, can you let them sing it?"_

_Harley snickers, “Damn."_

_The video cuts off as Rhodey chuckles._

YEET: THAT'S HILARIOUS

Human disaster: yeah real funny pete

retep rekarp: i'm just a comedy genius what can I say? 


	24. Chapter 24

**_5:34 pm_ **

**WHAT THE SHIT PARKER**

STEVE: what the hell is sprite cranberry? 

Bird brain: what? 

STEVE: they have sprite cranberry at the cvs 

YEET: This is the second best news ive heard all day

retep rekarp: I gotta go

retep rekarp: Anyone wanna go get sprite cranberry with me?? 

STEVE: what is it? 

Human disaster: it’s a soda flavored cranberry

green and mean: they put it out around Christmas time now

retep rekarp: it’s a meme too

RED: of course it is

YEET: it’s the best meme

retep rekarp: well that’s debatable but it’s pretty good

Pepperoni: why do I even try anymore? 

T’crying in the club: I do not know

YEET: brother you are the worst

Sammy: not really

retep rekarp: GROSS

YEET: AGREED

Hammer: sometimes I forget that they are just children

Blinky barnes: me too, Thor, don’t worry you’re not the only one

retep rekarp: thanks? 

YEET: ^^^

Rocky Rhode: Sometimes I’m amazed by their brains and then other times I want to break their brains 

retep rekarp: THANKS???? 

YEET: should we be worried?? 

retep rekarp: yeah? 

Human disaster: no

YEET: that was not convincing 

retep rekarp: not at all

**_7:23 pm_ **

**SCOOBY GANG**

Nedster: Why there so many pedos on TikTok tho 

biderman: what 

Nedster: What 

Princess: Bc theyre creeps 👍👍

**_6:34 pm_ **

**WHAT THE SHIT PARKER**

retep rekarp: biden took penn and georgia 

retep rekarp: we get to keep our rights!!!

YEET: Wohoooo

Human disaster: great!!!

Pepperoni: thank god 

STEVE: I might just off myself if Trump is our president once again

Human disaster: STEVE

blinky barnes: oh same

Hammer: I will move back to asgard

green and mean: ditto

RED: just kill him cowards

bird brain: you do it then

RED: okay

Rocky Rhode: uh, should we be worried that she just dropped that and left? 

Pepperoni: i’ve just accepted that she does that at this point

blinky barnes: what a queen

YEET: YES BUCKY

**_6:19 am_ **

**WHAT THE SHIT PARKER**

retep rekarp: Guys I’m texting from jail

retep rekarp: I commuted toad fraud

retep rekarp: TAX 

retep rekarp: Yoshi is in here too

Sammy: what? 

green and mean: he’s a little loopy 

Human disaster: what happened??

**_6:21 am_ **

**YEEHAW <<<WEBSLINGER**

YEEHAW: did you know you’re kinda cute when you’re all hopped up on laughing gas?

webslinger: you’re just cute

YEEHAW: oh dear god

**_6:24 am_ **

**WHAT THE SHIT PARKER**

Hammer: nothing bad

Hammer: the young spiderling was just out

Human disaster: how do you know this? 

Hammer: he told me

green and mean: tony just come down to the lab

STEVE: i’ll make sure he doesn’t pass out 

green and mean: good idea

RED: dear god, Peter, what have you done? 

YEET: toad fraud

YEET: 🐸 

retep rekarp: Nooooooo

Bird brain: That’s nice 

Sammy: Rhodey would be in jail for killing Tony

Rocky Rhode: Not if you can’t prove it

YEET: i think you’d be arrested for something small

YEET: and then they figure it out and add time after they arrest you

Rocky Rhode: Thanks?

RED: like ted bundy?

RED: Oh wait was it him who got a Parking ticket and then got caught or was that someone else?

Hammer: concerning

green and mean: yes

YEET: here’s what i think would happen

YEET: basically you kill someone and get away with it. and they have one strains of dna but it’s not in any program. then you flee the state and love across country. there you get into a horrible accident and are sent to the hospital, they check your dna while you’re unconscious to see if you can be identified because your ID got wrecked in the accident and they find you’re a serial killer 

YEET: move*

Rocky Rhode: You’ve thought a lot about me becoming a serial killer haven’t you?

YEET: yea

YEET: i just feel like it’s your destiny cause nobody would think you could do it since you’re well respected and stuff

YEET: and i already have a hit list planned for you

Sammy: WHAT WHY

Bird brain: OH MY GOD

YEET: just in case 

T’crying in the club: Wow 

YEET: Tony, Thaddeus Ross, (challenge level cause of security and stuff) The current president

retep rekarp: challenge level ahaha

Rocky Rhode: Trump I would do for free no hit list required

YEET: okay that can be changed to anyone 

Rocky Rhode: Mike pence


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UH SPOILERS FOR SUPERNATURAL
> 
> ALSO DON'T CLICK ON THE LINK IF YOU GET EASILY GROSSED OUT IT'S KINDA NASTY AND I PROBABLY SHOULDN'T HAVE LINKED IT BUT OH WELL

**_3:32 pm_ **

**SCOOBY GANG**

biderman: Y’all Mr.Stark just asked me if Harley and I were dating I’m gonna throw myself off a cliff 

Princess: we should add him to the chat!!

biderman: make another one with him 

MJ: yeah

Nedster: done

**_3:34 pm_ **

**NEDSTER HAS CREATED A CHAT**

**NEDSTER HAS ADDED BIDERMAN, PRINCESS, MJ AND TEXAS ROADHOUSE TO THE CHAT**

**NEDSTER NAMED THE CHAT LOSERS**

Nedster: hey harley

Texas Roadhouse: i have everybody but two??

MJ: i’m MJ

Texas Roadhouse: i’m assuming shuri is the other? 

Princess: you assume correctly

Texas Roadhouse: solid

biderman: ANYWAY CAN WE GET BACK TO MY CRISIS

Texas Roadhouse: which was? 

biderman: Mr. Stark just asked me if you and I were dating

Texas Roadhouse: nope

biderman: i want to fling myself off a cliff

MJ: why exactly? 

biderman: BECAUSE THAT’S SO AWKWARD

Texas Roadhouse: we could make that happen ;)

biderman: WHAT

Nedster: dear god we’ve created a monster

biderman: I’m straight up not having a good time 

biderman: harls, you can’t just say things like that

Texas Roadhouse: can and did sugar

Princess: You should have said yes to prank him

**_7:45 pm_ **

**LOSERS**

MJ: I’m mad

MJ: Biden called trump out on not taking responsibility 

MJ: and he goes 

MJ: “I take responsibility it’s chinas fault”

MJ: WHAT???

MJ: SIR

MJ: THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE

MJ: IM SO ANGRYY

Texas Roadhouse: i’ve never seen her get this worked up

Nedster: she takes these kinds of things seriously

Princess: YOU TELL EM BABY

MJ: I’M SO PISSED

biderman: Shuri go be in love somewhere else

Princess: NO

MJ: and he referred to Europe as a country?

MJ: he said “we’re working with other countries on a cure like Europe" 

Nedster: He's is so stupid wtf

MJ: idk if he said cure but this was before when they were talking about like a shot for immunity

MJ: He said that he’s working with countries. like Europe.

biderman: My fav country 😍😍

Texas Roadhouse: Also i thought he didn't like science hmm

MJ: he just negatively talked about Pennsylvania but they’re red right now

Nedster: they’re gonna be blue by tmr lmao

biderman: I hope

MJ: He’s worried about people committing suicide and those deaths rather than the people dying from covid

MJ: i’m sorry i keep spamming but my mom doesn’t wanna talk during it and I’m raging 

biderman: It’s okay 

biderman: I just yell at the tv

MJ: i cant she wants it quiet so she can hear

biderman: I’m currently doing that but at a tv show 

biderman: Oh

MJ: PLEXIGLASS WILL MAKE PEOPLE FEEL SAFE

MJ: AND NEW YORK IS LOWERING THE CURVE

MJ: SO YES NY IS GOOD

Nedster: Is that what he said

MJ: HES SAYING PLEXIGLASS IS STUPID

MJ: AND NEW YORK IS DOING A BAD JOB

MJ: BUT 

Princess: Oh god 

Princess: i’m so glad that I only have to deal with my dumb brother as the ruler of Wakanda 

Texas Roadhouse: So like we should move out there, right? 

Princess: i’d let you

Texas Roadhouse: you’re too kind

MJ: THEY'RE SO DENSLY POPULATED OFC NUMBERS WILL BE HIGHER

MJ: BUT THEY TURNED THE CURVE DOWN

MJ: WTF DO YOU WAAAAAANT

MJ: I CAAAAANT

MJ: i hate it here

MJ: PROTECT THE SENIORS AND ELDERLY???? YOU WANT TO OPEN UP THE COUNTRY

MJ: AND OPENING UP CAN PUT THEM IN DANGER

MJ: HE'S SO UNPROFFESIONAL

biderman: For real

MJ: AND HE'S MISQUOTING FAUCCI

MJ: HE SAID WEAR MASKS 

MJ: BUT HE SAID DON'T IN MATCH BC THEY WEREN'T BEING PRODUCED ENOUGH

MJ: BUT NOW HES SAYING WEAR THEM 

MJ: I’m going to Canada

MJ: Can someone teach me French

Princess: come live in Wakanda

Princess: i’ll teach you Wakandan

biderman: I’ll come 

Nedster: i hate it here

Texas Roadhouse: Sweden seems fun

MJ: I have a bigger vocabulary THAN THE FUCKING PRESIDENT 

MJ: WHY AM I SMARTER THAN THE MOTHERFUCKING PRESIDENT

biderman: IM SO CONFUSED 

Nedster: why

biderman: Why was she dreaming about babies and 

biderman: There was a box 

biderman: And she touched it and it destroyed her

MJ: HE HAS A FUCKING SECRET BANK ACCOUNT IN CHINA

biderman: And Fitz is losing his is 

biderman: Mind

MJ: HE NEEDS A GOLD COURSE OVER SEAS?

biderman: I’m confused!!

Princess: what is happening right now

biderman: i’m watching agents of shield because Supernatural made me upset because they fucking killed off Cas after making him profess his love to Dean, like it was heartbreaking but it looked so painful

Princess: Agents of Shield? 

Biderman: the show they dedicated to Coulson? 

Nedster: oh yeah

Princess: they did? 

biderman: yeah

Texas Roadhouse: who’s Coulson? 

biderman: he was a shield agent when shield was still a thing and he died to protect New York 

**_9:21 am_ **

**BRAINACS**

MJ: In class Benji just said that the security for the football field at school is like nazi Germany uhh….

Ned: Uhh what

Harley: I literally can’t

Harley: This kid 

Harley: My god I hate him 

Peter: i think you hate everybody but us

Harley: touche

Ned: He is something else 

**_4:38 pm_ **

**LOSERS**

Princess: [https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMJac2cLp/ ](https://www.tiktok.com/@therealtiktokdoc/video/6886873468705459461?_d=secCgsIARCbDRgBIAIoARI%2BCjx1fRWkzJ9X9y%2B2EQWPrQh9PzyHgkZdxzdbxZmSc9F7MX8x4DzkV8Gfp%2F9zqF6CE1I%2B8O%2BxoaqSHDARE7AaAA%3D%3D&language=en&preview_pb=0&sec_user_id=MS4wLjABAAAAU2r18y-Ykw1jfQURIcgpRzzY34F-O7lUjX8KvX1CYqjNrQTQ9sLPsVCUzFoGnjbZ&share_item_id=6886873468705459461&share_link_id=BA602194-FB73-4605-9B26-6ADCC6ACEC4F&timestamp=1603497953&tt_from=sms&u_code=clmj41hk0h5gdi&user_id=6530399718466409487&utm_campaign=client_share&utm_medium=ios&utm_source=sms&source=h5_m)

Princess: I might throw up

MJ: I thought it was interesting 

Nedster: It’s so gross 

MJ: Its a lot more orange than I thought it would be 

Princess: Earlier a vid came up on my for you page of him pulling someone’s belly button out of her stomach

Texas Roadhouse: YO IM EATING DINNER

Princess: Sorry

MJ: It wasn’t that bad 

biderman: MJ you wanna look at dead people for a living

biderman: It makes me squeemish is that a word

MJ: Yeah but it’s spelled squeamish 


	26. Chapter 26

**_10:23 am_ **

**LOSERS**

biderman: I CANNOT

biderman: BREATHE 

Texas Roadhouse: Why? Are you okay?

biderman: Stacey is dating Jeffery 

Princess: Stacey? 

Texas Roadhouse: Jeffery?

MJ: Stacey who? 

biderman: Duncan 

Nedster: You know I’m actually not that surprised

biderman: They deserve each other

**_10:45 am_ **

**HARLEY <<<NED, MJ**

Harley: who’s jeffery? 

Ned: he’s Peter’s ex

MJ: he’s a dick

Ned: yeah

Harley: what did he do? 

Ned: idk if we should tell you, I’m sure Peter will when he’s ready

Harley: okay I guess

MJ: he cheated on Peter with a girl in the grade two grades below us

Harley: A FRESHMAN?? 

MJ: yeah

Harley: OH HE MAD GROSS

Ned: yeah pretty much

Harley: aw that must suck

Ned: it’s why we wanted him to be careful with you and vice versa

Harley: I would never do that

Harley: my ex was also a dick so I understand

MJ: what happened? 

Harley: she took… pictures and spread them

Harley: i got mad bullied

Ned: oh shit man

Harley: it’s cool, I think Tony wants me to move out here permanently and stuff

MJ: Does Peter know? 

Harley: uh, yeah

Harley: he was there when Tony said it

**_9:23 pm_ **

**WEBSLINGER <<<YEEHAW**

webslinger: harley? 

YEEHAW: What’s up sweetheart? 

webslinger: can you come to my room for a minute? 

YEEHAW: sure

**_10:23 pm_ **

**SCOOBY GANG**

biderman: I DID IT

Princess: did what? 

biderman: I FINALLY KISSED HIM 

Nedster: and??? 

biderman: He’s curled up in my lap currently

MJ: so are you dating now? 

biderman: yeah

MJ: thank god

Nedster: for real

biderman: merry christmas to me

Princess: it’s not christmas

biderman: SHUT UP

Princess: okay then 

biderman: I am riding the high rn and Mr. Stark looks like he wants to murder someone soooo

Princess: is he okay with you two dating? 

biderman: harley woke up and threatened to "expose" him 

biderman: so yeah, he's chill with it

biderman: BEST FUCKING DAY EVER


End file.
